The Wide World Exotic

that was a phrase my Cinema professor used this week, "the Wide World Exotic"-- he has a penchant for using language in a way that I can never grasp on my own.

Did I mention that my professor was gay?

I think his flair for words is definitely related, at least in his case.

We were discussing what the American abroad means in movies, because it's a very common theme in a class that functions largely outside the realm of American movies, or at least movies that involve largely American motifs.

Sitting there in that class, awkwardly shifting in my chair made me realize how uncomfortable I am in myself as an American. This attitude is nothing new, but I sadly have no Patriotism to this country. I'm not sure if I've ever known what it means to be an American-- because I'm not sure there is really such a thing. In most countries, there's not as much ethnic diversity as in the US-- whereas the US is a wonderful mix of mutts. We don't really have a place to belong and the label of American more satisfies location rather than mindset-- and for some reason whenever I say this I offend lots of people.

Sorry, I guess it's one American thing I might actually subscribe to.

Stranger in a strange land, that's what we're supposed to take away from the "Yankee" traveling around in places that are generally not his home, hence the "wide world exotic" as Professor Lang phrased it.

I was then sat in class thinking about myself in that role, the American abroad trying to discover this strange lore and these queer traditions of an age old culture. It was only then that I realized I couldn't, I couldn't envision myself as this courageous adventure.

I've always wondered if Professor Lang feels this same way, having grown up in South Africa to British born parents trying to hash out a place in America. He's seen a world that I've only seen in story books, and I wonder if maybe once upon a time he sat in a desk like mine, at an age not too far from mine, wondering if maybe he didn't fit where he was any more.

Maybe some day I'll get up the courage to ask him what home means to him, but for now I'm nearly alone with this internal battle for self.

This is not my home.
I am a stranger in my homeland, I can feel the gaps growing every day from the person I'm growing up to be as compared to where I grew up.
My "home" stands in another day-- nearly 10,000 miles away from me.
My obsession is almost Napoleonic, like the way he longed for Egypt-- I long for a place where I fit.

I'm not sure if this thought terrifies me or excites me-- but I'm sure if you provided me with a scimitar I might vote for the "excites me" angle.

For Lack of a Better Title, We'll Call This "Un-"

Life's funny how it works out-- that's really the long and short about it. I could go on for hours, but really everything I'd ever need to say is summarized right there in that 7 word sentence (it's not 6, the grammar nerds will tell you why that is)

There are lots of things I'd like to say, and lots of things I'd like to say to her, but she's heard them before and by now there's no new ways I can tell her what's on my mind.

I suppose all I can say is this:

6 months ago I made a decision, a big decision-- it's the decision from which every other decision since has stemmed from. 6 months ago today my life changed for the better, hell it was kind of the start of my life-- the adult concept of it, not just the sentient being kind.

6 months later she still doesn't have a ring, we don't have an announcement in any paper, we don't have the same openness that other couples do, but through it all, she's still my fiancee-- and as I've told her a million times now, that will always be enough for me.

How Can I Be Anything But Second Best to You?

Warning, this blogpost may contain nostalgia, profundity, and references to obscure pop culture references-- you have been warned.

So I just recently finished Paper Towns, comparisons aside for now, John Green is now not only one of my favorite YouTubers, but he now tops the list of favorite authors.

I recommend you go buy it if you have the means to. I bought the one with sad Margo-- it's less disconcerting I think.

I suppose you can consider this my sort-of book report, but at the same time I plan to tell you nothing about the book. It's like two girls, one cup-- you get to see my reaction but never understand what I saw in it.

Sorry, I know someone probably just ewwww-ed at that.

I can't say the book was anything exceptional, not to offend it, but what I mean is that it's a book very much about real life and real people for once-- no boy wizards, sparkly vampires, or unfortunate orphans can be found amongst these pages.

and unlike most books I've read in the past 5 years, it really made me think.

High school is a weird place, anyone who has been can tell you that it was the worst time of their life, or for some-- they very few I have in my life they live with this self aggrandized glory of who they were in high school.

In the end, it was just a place where we learned, and met people: good and bad, and somewhere along the line we became young adults and left it in a very unfamiliar state than when we entered. I have very few fond memories of high school, and even fewer friends leftover after the great schism that was college...but through it all it did shape who I am and what I wanted to be.

I suppose this is where the the belated learning comes in, how a book about high school can teach me more about high school than ever being in high school ever did.

I once heard a quote that went something like: the race is long, and in the end it's only with yourself...

I suppose nothing I'm going to say from here on out is fact, just something that from my own experience has been proven to be true: results may vary, if there are even any results at all worth sharing.

I'll never accept when people say life is short now that I think about it, how can life be short, it's the longest thing you'll ever do? No rather I've found that we instead spend most of our time not living our lives preoccupied with some intangible worry about something that will probably never befall us anyway.

Don't be afraid to live your life, and I mean really live it-- do not become a spectator, because in the end of it all you want your story to be one worth telling. Strive to become a legend, even if it's only in your mind, because in the end all that matters is what you thought of you.

They did hit on a point in Paper Towns, leaving is the hardest thing you'll ever do, until you do it and then you realize that unlike ripping off a bandage you are without the same feeling of regret and remorse, but rather waiting until you can do it again.

I've left home many times now, and find that Heraclitus wasn't exactly right and neither was Thomas Wolfe-- whether it's a river or a home, you'll find that sometimes if you're lucky, you'll find that going home to a place you once knew is the only way to preserve the person you once were.

College has given me a lot of perspective, much more than I ever had bumming around Manchester, New Hampshire with my best friends-- not that college is what changed me, but rather just seeing the world from a different place has altered my concept of reality.

I've learned that you have to learn to walk out your front door, even if it scares you, because to me there is nothing scarier than finding someone who was so afraid of being afraid that they lived their lives in pathetic familiarity. Do not fear the unknown, because by doing so you are merely prolonging the inevitable. To presume we live in a world of familiarity is to truly be a man on an island.

Do what you love, even if you're bad at it, even if it kills you-- because in the end that's what life is going to do. No matter who you are or what you do, we are all going to die--no one is exempt from our impending mortality, in the end we all have the same destination. The journey is what defines who you are, because you'll find that in the very end of it, our stories are all connected in the same boring place, hell who knows-- that place might even wind up being a paper town so you might as well make your mark on the map while you're still holding on the pushpins.

That's How You'll Know My Love is Still Strong

Warning, this is a sentimental blogpost so if you want to skip some of the mushy, I'd understand.

Normally these entries are open ended and directed to almost anyone, but this time not so much-- there's one person I have on my mind right now.

I know when she reads this she'll have that face on, the one that's hard to say with words, it's somewhere between laughing and crying because I know exactly how she is.

The title comes from a Plain White T's song and happens to be the exact same title I used on a Livejournal/Multiply entry right when we were just starting out-- a time that feels like a million years ago if you really think about how much we have been through during all this time.

Lately however we had fallen into some type of weird rut, nothing out of the ordinary for any couple who has been together long enough, but it's still a weird feeling. We weren't doing badly, we were doing the same old, same old that we were used to-- and that was really what became the problem.

I remember when we were just starting, everything was so new and waking up every day was exciting because there was so much we were still learning about each other, and every time I told her that I loved her it was like a spark going off-- anyone who has fallen in love heavily for the first time knows exactly those crazy lovey-dovey feelings and how much of an Oxytocin overload the whole thing is.

We've been together now nearing a year and half, and she has been my best friend for even longer, so some of the initial love feelings have faded, I wasn't surprised by this-- but it started to get to an extreme level of unsurprised behavior. She might not have noticed it, I guess because I didn't until recently.

I got too comfortable with her, and I don't mean in that understanding sense, but as in I started pushing aside things, and stopped doing things altogether. I used to be a romantic guy, and I'm not saying that stopped it just became something completely different. We used to celebrate every Tuesday, it happens to be the day we got together-- it was a Tuesday and I had a class to go to, and I'll never know what we learned that day. I'm not saying that we should do that now, it's a little crazy to celebrate every week now, but the idea is still there.

Even just this month I found myself pushing aside special days, and not for any reason that I can think of that is logical. Each month we celebrate the 4th and the 29th-- just because we do have that sentimental streak. I however started putting less and less stock in those days because I started to get busy with my own things. Once again, none of this seems like a huge deal-- but the small things that come from it are what change it.

I stopped doing so much because somewhere along the way my comfort level with her turned into general expectation. What did it matter if I wasn't spontaneously saying I love you like I used too, she still knows right? Maybe I wasn't making as big a deal of a anniversaries, she must still know how important those days are, right? If I don't compliment something, she has to still understand that I care, right?

It's true that all these are a yes, but it doesn't mean that I shouldn't remind her every day how important she is to me. Of all the things that can get tiresome, telling her all these lovey-dovey romantic things are not on of them. I could tell her that I loved her every 10 minutes and it would never lack value each time. But the fact is that I should remember to tell her these things because just assuming she knows things is different than taking the time to make sure she knows these things.

Last night was our turning point again, whatever it was, and I'm not sure helped really bring those feelings back like how it used to be when we were getting together, just with more familiarity. I was listening to our songs again, and we have a lot. I was remembering all those times pre-coupledom where I was doing idiotic things around her, just because I was falling that hard. Out of my least suave moments we'll both cite the time she gave me her phone number and I got so excited that I closed our chat window long before I learned the joys of auto-log-- needless to say I spent the next hour pressing ctrl+z after she went to bed in hopes that by some weird chance of fate it would work.

It didn't.

12 hours later she comes to me with a thinly veiled sadness asking why I didn't text her awake, and I had to put my tail between my legs and admit my stupidity. She made fun of me, but not in that mean way-- in that teasing way that was a little too friendly for siblings, but that's what we were hiding behind-- the brother-sister relationship that's ironic.

It's the moments like that I can't forget, no matter how redundant they get-- I don't want to lose the awkwardness of 18 year old Pax who was in love with his best friend to 20 year old Pax whose fiancee is his best friend.

So in the most long winded way I can say to people is this-- if you have someone you love, make sure to tell them that, really it will make all the difference in the world. And to the gorgeous who might just have tears welling in her eyes by now-- did you know I love you so so so soooooooooo much? because if you didn't, just know that I do-- so so sooooooooo much and more than words can say.

Life is What Happens To You While You're Busy Making Other Plans

I've been thinking a lot lately, and we all know what this means when I start thinking-- it's either going to be insane, or actually be profound and we'll all be shocked that I've said it.

It's odd how seeing a Disney/Pixar film can still have this effect on me even at my newly acquired 20 years of age.

Life is a funny thing, partially because it's the only thing we really all have in common, we will live our lives and then we'll become part of the history we all struggle to remember as soon as it passes us.

I don't intend to spoil the movie I saw today, but I'd like to reiterate to message in my own words, and in my own interpretations, just because I can-- and that's the wonderful power of free speech.

When we're young, we all have preconceived notions about what we want to be when we grow up, the types of lives we want to live, even if in the smallest fraction of full picture. The question has been asked to almost any child of speaking age-- "what do you want to be when you grow up?". The answers are as honest as you can get, nothing is tainted by the outside world yet.

When I was only 18, and a new (not to mention terrified) college freshman, I worked as an inner city tutor in a school where, for the first time in a long time, I was the minority. I found myself asking these same questions to these kids "what do you want to be when you grow up?" as if these children who could barely tie their shoes really knew. It was only then why I realized that adults even ask that question at all, call it a moment of maturity creeping into my life. We don't necessarily ask to find out the answers, which sounds like ignorance, but it's not but rather is something much more profound.

We ask these questions because it's the reaction that makes it all worth it, seeing the pure unadulterated look of joy from a child who thinks they know what they want. They have grand dreams of who and what the want to be-- even if the answer is completely generic through the ages. Some kids want to be firefighters, ballerinas, even just something as simple as parents-- I had never met a child who wanted to be an accountant or work at the mall for minimum wage.

I'm not sure how along the way we've let these dreams die-- or at least for some of us, I myself am very lucky. To digress for a moment, I am proud to say that I am growing up to be just what I always was-- I get to spend the whole rest of my life telling stories about my imaginary friends, but you might just call me a writer.

No matter who we become, we can all recall back to a time when we were still becoming ourselves, dressing up and playing pretend-- even if it meant defying logic sometimes, deep down it mirrored a real desire. To still a coin termed from Up I suppose we all have our own "My Adventure Books", even if they are metaphorical.

In this life we fight so hard to complete these adventures, no matter how big or small they may be, even if we never accomplish them it's part of keeping that dream alive. It's ironic how as children we're told to "shoot for the stars" and then as soon as we get old enough we're told "not to get our hopes up", and so as time goes on we slowly place these dreams into more productive avenues even if it means sacrificing happiness along the way in some cases.

What I've realized though is that it's not about accomplishing your dreams, or even achieving all your goals, but instead it's about not forgetting the type of ambition you once had and using it to fuel your future passions. It's not about the type of journey you take, it's about the people you meet along the way. You might never explore the deep jungles of South America, you will probably never land on the moon, and you will certainly not live forever-- but that doesn't mean you can't live every day like it is just that exciting. It's not about the things you've never done, or the things you could have done only if variables X,Y, and Z worked impossibly in your favor-- rather it's about finding that path in life that brings you the same childlike joy you once felt and never looking back with bitterness about what could have been.

Now all I'm wondering is:

has all this introspective thinking earned me my "Self-Realization" Wilderness Explorer badge.

Won't You Let Me Go Down in My Dreams

I can't sleep, and for once I don't care.

I'm not sure how to ever eloquently say this, I guess there will never be the words that make the most sense and say what I need to-- but that's not going to stop me from trying.

I can never say enough how important my mother is to me, and I never will get enough of that. As I get older my appreciation for her seems to grow infinitely more, which for those of you who know the relationship I have with my mom, it seems impossible to find more respect for that amazing woman.

I am very much a momma's boy-- I'm not ashamed of that because if anything my mother taught me it was that I am much more independent than I have ever given myself credit for.

I rarely want to call myself a man, it feels weird, but for this realization alone I'll throw aside my cringing.

I am a better man because of my mother, she raised me to be everything I am today-- without her Pax as he stands today would not exist.

My 20th birthday is on Sunday and everyone is making it wrongly about me, it's not about me-- that day was never about me.

My birth was unconventional at best, and I wonder now how my mother coped as well as she did, 27 and a mother for the first time dealing with things that most parents should never have to deal with-- ironically probably lying sleepless in much the same manner, just 20 years in the past.

I was born almost exactly 2 months premature, which means that I live now with a whole host of problems that make every day a struggle, but my mom never gave up to give me a better life-- never gave up wanting me to seem like every normal kid.

Now I don't know about you, but I think she did a pretty damn good job at putting the puzzle pieces together again and she does it all thanklessly.

The only thing she ever complains about now is that the only thing to watch on TV was the Tiananmen Square massacres and how no matter how many channels she cycled through she was stuck with the same thing. It seems ominous to watch tanks rumble towards the Forbidden City while waiting for your son to be born, it sounds like a good metaphor-- but doesn't seem to favor me much.


Everyone is so busy celebrating me, no one takes time to slow down and think about my mom who was expecting her first son to be born in August. I never quite made it, I guess being a Leo never suited me.

On Sunday the tradition will repeat, my mom will wake me up with presents and usher me down to the table, hovering like the momma bear she is as she waits for the reactions to my gifts. This day won't be about her, most people will forget her role in it at all.

She won't know that while I'm blowing out my candles, and failing to do so-- I'll be thinking of all those things I failed miserably at, and yet she still supported. All those swimming lessons where I was just too ADD to learn, all the baseball games where I got hit by the ball more than actually hitting it back, and even the driver's education class I begged to be in-- 4 years later she is still driving me around due to what she would call my "not so epic win", she can't bring herself to ever call me an epic fail.

She won't know that while she's watching me unwrap my gifts I'll be too busy thinking about how while we didn't always have everything, she somehow managed to make us feel like we were lacking nothing.

While she's watching my dad hopeless hack up my birthday cake, she doesn't know that I'm thinking of every time she played the "good mom card" and suffered through all my food experiments while I was learning to cook-- including the undercooked pizza, the solid cake (I'm still not sure how it was that solid), or the grease fire I started in our toaster which she just brushed off with ease only a mom can muster.

There's a joke she used to tell me when life would be unfair that went something like "you can be three things in this life: rich, handsome, and intelligent-- and God made you handsome and intelligent, it's a shame"-- even though I know she's lying, she never took into account the fourth thing I am...

Lucky.

So while everyone else is wishing me a Happy Birthday for effortlessly surviving another year, I'll be thinking yet again of another way to thank her-- and maybe, just maybe the next 365 days will help me come to a better conclusion.

Something Vaguely Inspired By Light Blue Circles

Usually I start my blog posts with a hint of witticism and sardonics but today's post is not for that-- this time I really have something to say.

Recently I've discussed ideologies a lot, mainly religion and all things related to that. Most people who have talked to me for more than ten minutes know a little bit about my religious upbringing, since it doesn't take someone too long to be caught up on the lack thereof an organized belief structure.

The question has been coming up a lot lately, the one that has always haunted me in conversations, I almost feel like I suffer an ignorance for never choosing a firm belief.

I've realized now it doesn't matter.

I'm in no way saying that beliefs don't matter, they do, and very much so. In the history of human life on the planet beliefs seem to be the most constant thing. People live and die for these beliefs, they build their lives on them, fight wars for them and defend their stand on this Earth for the sake of what they believe-- so yes, belief is important.

I don't believe you even necessarily have to believe anything, I wouldn't ask that, I don't care if what you believe is completely insane-- but what I just hope is that people learn to question what they believe.

Question does not always mean to doubt, and I don't ask you to ever doubt what you believe, rather question what you believe to reinforce your conviction. Beliefs shouldn't be black and white, you should be willing to accept the changes in the world around you-- but don't let your convictions be dulled by misunderstanding, make sure what you believe is truly what you wish to believe and that should be what matters.

It seems like lately the discussions have been so pointed, the blame always has to be cast upon people for some reason. The staunchly religious are castigated for all the people who are deemed as crazy who have faith, and perfectly good people are punished for not believing in God by those who do.

Once upon a time science was something that we used to castigate with religion, labeling those people as heretics, and now we're seeing quite the opposite-- science is being used to discredit religion. If you can see this irony, I really appreciate your thought process, and if you don't-- damn, I'm alone.

I had this discussion with my fiancee the other day, and it was only when I looked it over that I actually felt like I'd finally unearthed that part of me-- so I'll share an amended version of what I had said to her.

"Religious" is a weird description for me because people aren't a religion, they just have one and you shouldn't be labeled by something like that. It's superficial to say someone is religious because there's so much more to content of character. I think atheists are just as crazy as anyone with a theism because it's just as stupid as labeling someone by race or ethnicity, just believe in what you believe and let that be enough. By classifying someone as their religion you're just not getting to which know them-- it shouldn't be what defines the type of reactions or personality traits you have. it's just one of those things about you that is part of you. I don't like those debates either solely because everything is a little crazy--plus, I like to tell people that sometimes crazy works. Did you know that the common bumblebee can't aerodynamically fly? it defies all the logic of physics, they've used science time and time again and found no logical explanation. In this case, the bumblebee doesn't know it can't fly so it just keeps going. I feel like faith in anything is like the bumblebee, you just have to believe it works and don't let people tell you otherwise. People are so quick to blanket these terms and I just think it doesn't matter if you have a religion or not. I will respect if you do because you see the things in life that I can't yet, because lord knows science has been wrong before and will continue to be wrong. We basically know nothing, the whole world is one giant discovery in the making so in the meantime all you should be is yourself, whatever that is. It doesn't matter what the people before you have done, or what people like you do and will do-- just be a good person, be a humanist and let nothing else matter.

My name is Edward James Paxton, I think that sometimes there are things that neither science or religion can explain-- I believe the bumblebee has the right idea, I'm an Agnostic Humanist-- what are you?

I Might Not Party Like Asher Roth, But I Still Love College (BEDA #20)

Today is the day where Pax does nothing for BEDA besides share some of his screenplay...so let's go.

**I can share none of the context or much of the backstory because it's still a WIP, but try and enjoy if you can**



METT (V.O.)
In a weird way it’s like starting over again. Like Kindergarten. None of us know each other, but we’re expected to make friends without the help of mommy or daddy for the first time...just all over again, and with more alcohol and swearing.

Mett props his feet up slightly on the empty chair in front of him and continues to scan the room. He soon makes eye contact with Isabella who sees him. In a panic he quickly looks down.

Isabella walks over to their row and motions to the empty seat still beside Mett.

ISABELLA
So we meet again, gayer version of Matt.

Mett chuckles and sits up slightly.

METT
It’s...

ISABELLA
Mett, I know, I remember.

Mett smiles and nods.

-------------------------------
METT (V.O.)
I don’t remember much of Dean Chambers speech. Partially because he talked a lot of bullshit, and partially because all I could focus on was the girl next to me who smelled like strawberries.

Mett looks over at her again quickly, once again looking away when she catches his eye.

METT (V.O.) (CONT’D)
And she probably thinks I’m some creepy stalker by now.

When he looks over again he notices she has looked away from him in much the same manner.

He smiles a happy, crooked smile and props his chin on his hand.

METT (V.O.) (CONT’D)
Or maybe not.

--------------------------------------------------

METT (V.O.)
I’m tempted to call him Louis, but I don’t think he’ll get the reference.
--------------------------------------------------
METT (CONT’D)
My iPod just decided to call it quits.

Paul frowns understandingly.

METT (V.O.) (CONT’D)
It’s sad how the teen population views technological tragedy to just as crushing as something that well, actually matters.
---------------------------------------------------

METT (CONT’D)
I’m Mett

Isabella takes his hand slowly.

ISABELLA
Matt?

Mett laughs nervously

METT
No, Mett-- M-E-T-T... Mett.

Isabella eyes his name tag for a moment and then nods in understanding.

ISABELLA
So then like Matt, only gayer.

Mett stares blankly at the girl, realizing she doesn’t look like she’s kidding.

METT
Yeah...it’s a little something like that.

**did anyone notice the catchphrase to Paxomania thrown in there? if you did... I hartz you, very few people know this is where that came from, even before it was written.**

------------------------------------------------------

The sound of the door can be heard as Mett is standing in his now noticeably empty room. The sound of his parents’ dialogue can be heard fading down the hall.

METT (V.O.)
I can still remember now what it felt like the day they left, I don’t ever even think I told them, but I cried.

Mett wipes his eyes and sniffs

METT (CONT’D)
But only a little...

**based on actual Paxist behavior**
-------------------------------------------------------

KRISTEN
TTYL.

She waves happily and walks away as Mett waves back stupidly.

METT (V.O.)
I’m not exactly sure what I’ve gotten myself into.

Mett stands from his chair, removing his iPod from his pocket and placing the earbuds in his ears. He grabs his plates and slowly follows the path that Kristen had taken to leave.

[”Why Can’t We Be Friends”-WAR plays softly on his iPod]

He looks back at Isabella who is now talking animatedly to a guy who is standing at the end of her table. Shaking his head he turns the volume up.

METT (V.O.) (CONT’D)
Damnit. How the hell do I even have this song?
---------------------------------------------------------

The rest should be done this weekend, so look out for it in a few weeks after that

**I can't share it until it has been graded, but I promise when it has you guys can see it**

Insert Romeo and Juliet Pun (BEDA #19)

Happy 4-20...I don't give a fuck hahaha

Today is my DGAF day, so if I punt a fetus in the middle of this, don't get offended, I need a nap-- or possibly a clone (I can has Pax.2?)

I guess until I get a .2 I have to do this...

muddafecker...

So in lieu of having a witty song title, I have actually brought my never favorite cover to share.

And before you ask, I think Taylor Swift is an unattractive hack-- but the lyrics were pretty good, so I'm not complaining, I just think country= incest...and not even the good kind =P

Blaaaaaaa...what else?

It rained today, I have done some iLife work, and cast my Mett Grey.

Perfect...right?

I'm still trying to cast the perfect Isabella, but it's coming slowly.

Spring Fling is this week (see related: my friends are douches)...we get to see N.E.R.D... not as fun as normal Nerds, but just as cool.

Riddle for guys:

what's got 4 letters and 6 figures:

a nerd...

Not really a riddle I just lawled because someone told me that and why I should be proud of being a nerd...

I am not only proud, I am Nerdfighter proud.

Blaaaaaaa... Nerdfighters... today being 4-20... we can has EBO? si o no?

also I'm still reading Paper Towns (and getting food all in it, I have sad Margo and she's sad because she's covered in bit of egg and mayo)

And now I'm done...

*punts baby*

Looking for BEDAs #17 and #18 (the first fail of the BEDA experience)

My fiancee is psychic--

we had been joking a few nights ago about how I would be busy for BEDA #17 and therefore was going to be titled "This is May, Pax is busy (BEDA #17)-- well let's just say in hindsight--

Pax was busy on BEDA 17 and therefore did not post his BEDA because he was...distracted.

If you follow me on Plurk, you know I was in an off mood-- and off mood being that my mind had checked out for the night.

If you don't believe me-- then you should believe the couple who can be quoted as respectively saying:

"I'm sure larer we'll lawls at how wrng this is...but reight now I can't even see the keys ket aklone understand what I'm typing... sorry love...this makes no sense at all... " (the wonders of when Pax is tired)

"but hopefulyy we'll both get the sleep we need..." (where May makes up words that are so close, yet so far)

I didn't forget to BEDA so much is that I was far too mentally intoxicated to post, that's the sign of true love-- you make each other drunk without even trying (I'm sure this is borne from some cheesy pickup line, which is why to me it came off ang cheesy)

I also don't really have much to post today, because today was merely me recovering from a night like last night...

I swear I wasn't drunk-- I'm just that retarded when my mind is on a million things that it shouldn't be.

I believe someone regretfully said horny, and I lawled--for anyone who knows why I lawled... then congratulations, you know how Pax is and how Pax isn't, you win a prize.

and now time for food...

Fritos, TaB, and Mountain Dew= My Dream Date (BEDA #16)

I almost forgot to BEDA today, so this is already starting off as a fail-- I don't even have a catchy song... no...wait, I'll come up with one now

There... tada... catchy song title...

*I know that 90% of the nerds probably just jizzed themselves, sorry...after all, WWJCD?*

So you know the drill-- name the song, or the artist, or if you're a nerd, feel free to just jizz yourself because you're not fooling anyone anyways.

Today was one of those really nerdy days, which is nothing new-- everyday in the life of Pax is a nerdy day. Today however was the nerdiest of them all, at least in a long time because I can't say today was my nerdiest day... just the one with the most nerd frequency.

Outside was the highlight of Greek Week, their semi-Greek games was today meaning that anyone who was anyone was outside watching the festivities-- I was holed up in my room listening to the music and reading, because that's about how involved I wanted to be [/socially_awkward:true]

So while anyone who was anyone was outside dancing to Poker Face, I was in the shitty dining hall...hooray for substandard food and the smell of bleach everywhere.

Okay, so the food isn't really that bad, but when you're born and bred of 18 solid years of your mum's cooking, 4 semesters with college food is bound to change your taste buds a little bit. I have eaten things that I didn't even know existed (delicious Seafood Newburg for the win) and I have eaten things that I'm sure could have eaten me back once upon a time (I think it was a burrito, but one can never be too sure...)

Today since it was basically dead I settled for a home favorite: hard boiled egg sandwich with mayo (like an egg salad sandwich basically, minus anything that makes it seasoned or salad like).

It was only when I looked around that I realized the dining hall was full with other people who were basically stereotypically in the same circle as me. Let's face it, I hate to label nerds, but we all know (especially nerds, geeks, and dorks) when we see one of our own kind.

There was maybe 10 of us (in an establishment that seats several hundred) and everybody I looked at had some of the more iconic geek traits.

We all know what these means:
glasses.
video game consoles.
books.
braces.
strange food choices.
graphic/themed t-shirts that amplify the nerdiness.

Even I was an offender today with my weird egg on wheat sandwich (I thought it was tasty, but was poorly crafted and looked stepped on), I had on my glasses, my hearing aids were on blast, I was toggling between my phone and my PSP, and I was mopping food particles of my copy of Paper Towns, while wearing an officially licensed Harry Potter Chudley Cannons shirt.

And it was in that moment that I just smiled and kept reading.

I love being a nerd/geek/dork, and I love being around them because they are unintrusive to personal space.

Unless we are counting glompage...and then yes... gnorks love to glomp because we just can't hug, we must politely body rape you with the equivalent of an "XD" face on.

also being a gnork allows me to enjoy this stuff... which I will share with you now.







Nerdiness for the win

Disclaimer though: these churches are not really places, no worries-- your children will not be raped at church (with at least 70% certainty)...

and that ladies and gents is why I'm going to hell =P

They used to call us names now they want our autograph...(BEDA #15)

The lyric above was from one of my favorite songs in middle school-- you could call it one of the Pax essential songs for understanding my childhood, and it's a less severe motto that I live by now.

I'm not as elitist as I was at 13, but I'm still proud to be who I am, which is really the most I learned in school at that age anyways.

I'm going to cheat a little and give you a hint to the song because it's by this same band, and this song has been stuck in my head too



I actually used to think the above song was going to be the result of all my relationships-- because I used to be a cynic and a super geek (which should be a testament to how much I have improved)

I actually found a notebook when I was home last that had a very angrily scribbled lyric from the above song-- when I get home next I'll have to scan it so everyone can laugh at how dramatic I was when I was 12 and 13.

Today I'll give it one last try
and then I know I'll wonder why
I did it to myself once again
I saw your boyfriend he's 6'3"
Quarterback on varsity
the football players love to torture me
So I'm feeling like I'm not fitting in
I know that I'm not fitting in with you
And your stuck-up friends
I GET THE POINT

I look back now and laugh a little at the kid I was, I'm not so much different now but I think I've learned from a lot of my immaturity at that time-- also I've stopped going to Good Charlotte shows as well, which might have improved some of it.

To explain to all the younger people-- Good Charlotte was like a more badass version of the Jonas Brothers (albeit not the best comparison, but you get the point). They were on every poster, and t-shirt, and button, and had CDs dropping-- and then they kind of faded into oblivion.

If anything I can see this happening to the Jonas Brothers in two years, so don't be shocked by this-- the stereotypes you lead only last so long. In this case it was as soon as those 14 year old "rebellious" Good Charlotte fans realized that there's no sense in bitching and moaning about the kids who used to pick on you in high school when you're 25 years old.

I've been thinking a lot about high school lately which isn't so ironic-- however what is ironic is the frequency that high school appears in the music industry.

It gets hailed as the best time of your life/the worst time of your life depending on who you ask and I've realized now that I'm 2 years out of high school-- it's not really either.

I don't have much fond nostalgia about high school, but if you ask my best friend Ace he'll tell you about the parties he went to or the girls he slept with.

and I can tell you...

well I can tell you...

*thinks*...

I can tell you what was on TV, what books I read, what movies I saw, the concerts I went to, and I can tell you about how every day after I got my college acceptance letter I slowly went insane stuck in this weird hell hole. I can give no good advice for people who are in high school, I didn't survive it any better than most-- in fact I had a nervous break down sometime in Spring of 2007 and had to visit an in-school therapist who believed the best treatment for me was going to be behavior modifier drugs.

Needless to say I didn't listen to the offer to be medicated and realized there was one sure fire cure for what was going wrong.

College...

really, that was all it took... heading out to college stabilized me.

Getting away from my friends and family and the kids who tripped me in the halls, cheated off my tests, and threw things at me... basically they fixed every mental flaw.

I started reading this week and found that John Green has helped me find some of that old school nostalgia for times gone by, even if it's a little forced-- it makes me feel good to think that high school was something worth remembering and writing about.

Some people say they see themselves in Colin Singleton or Margo Roth Spiegelman...

I'm more a Q Jacobsen...and that's going to always be enough for me...

DFTBA guys...

and also, one more song-- just for nostalgia's sake...





^this was everything good I remember about high school. I wouldn't trade it for anything better.

Find Your Identity Soon and Let the Channel Change You (BEDA #14)

Not gonna lie, as I started this "I'll Make Love To You" started playing and I'm lawling my ass off at that.

For anyone who knew me in October/November 2007 know that sometimes I was a bit of a drunken naked panda...

For anyone who didn't know me then... be thankful that I don't do that anymore, because I can't remember a good 4 month span...aspartame...it'll fuck you up...

You know the drill by now, the song is a title... rather scratch that and reverse it-- the title is a song and Pax is a little tired after a weird day.

Today isn't even really my busy day it's just weird and spread so much that I get too much of a lag in my day. Computers, Chem, and Cinema-- I just realized now that Wednesday's classes all begin with C, I think it makes me a nerd that I'm amused by that.

I never remember my ComSci class because it's before my brain is awake, my brain usually wakes up sometime after the class has ended and I'm usually halfway through my breakfast by the time I've realized my feet have brought me someplace to get food. And as for the other two classes-- eh... that's about all I have to say about that.

But as usual... my disclaimer:

College is really awesome-- blah blah blah blah apply and do your best and don't do drugs... good enough for you?

This week I'm really not feeling my BEDA, I'm sorry guys, it's just that school has been so crazy and I feel like I'm running on less than empty.

Hopefully this weekend will yield something other than me being unceremoniously passed out on a pile of school books-- which yes, I have done several occasions this week... it's a sad nerdy reality when you wake up with notebook spirals pressed into your forehead.

However to steal a cue from the fiveawesomegirls: today is awesome because I had White Castle...

and yes as in Harold and Kumar go to... not as in "I have an austere household that is colored in white".

Alright, so they were microwaveable because the nearest White Castle establishment is over an hour away, but even still these freezer burgers taste like the real thing (which I've only had twice), and they were the same size and cheaper than the regular White Castle sliders-- we'll call this the win for the day.

Today is however now awesome because it is Greek Week-- which is some type of fraternity/sorority thing were, well to be honest I'm not really sure what happens but for some reason it gives the frat guys to be even bigger jerks.

I'm going to make the disclaimer now that not all frats guys or sorority girls are like this, but it just so happens that these kids come from a different background that I was used to and therefore are only in fraternities for the sake of once again establishing a status quo where people are meant to feel inadequate. In most cases I respect fraternities for what they are intended for, but if it's for girls, drinking, and ridiculous hazing-- no thank you.

Anyways, Greek Week here is basically an excuse to see backwards hats, polo shirts, pucca shell necklaces, and sandals everywhere you look-- and the jock mentality has come back full force. I had some guy in a Sigma Nu shirt run up past me and basically scattered all my Dante materials everywhere and screamed
"GREEK WEEK MOTHERFUCKERS!" and high fived some guy in a likewise purple Sigma Nu shirt who then made the oral sex gesture at me and walked off...

College sometimes sucks too kids, keep in mind that sometimes you can just get a job out of high school and be just as well adjusted...

^these are actually lies, I'm partially joking-- just not about the frat guy, just hopefully you get into a school where douchebags don't run amuck.

So yes, now I'm getting ADD because my YM is blipping orange at me like crazy so... yeah, going to go deal with my "fans" =P

BEDA #13--Pax broke his laptop...

So this is short...I'll explain later...I'm a dumbass...damnit

What's Your Sign? Hey, I Think You Know A Friend of Mine... (BEDA #12)

I'm running late on my BEDA today because I am ADD and not exactly in the mood to be descriptive and awesome, but I'm going to try... bleh...

The title is a song lyric, and so easy at that... in fact-- if you get it wrong I will be tempted to eat your face... quite violently out of rage, anger, and boredom...

Today's blog is a bit more of a bloggy like blog than my other blogs because my bloggy brain is all blogged out for right now (6 words with the root of blog, beat that hahaha)

I was supposed to do work today... I said it over and over again that I was supposed to do work today... I was terribly busy and had a lot of work to do-- it was supposed to take all day and I was just really busy with it all, I had it all planned.

I spent the day eating M&Ms...

I probably have diabetes now with how many M&Ms I have ingested

^ this is what college looks like-- it is not glamorous at all, it is not freedom, I am itchy, I have a stye, and I want someone to make me a sandwich [/whining]

But here's my disclaimer bit:

Kids... college is awesome...you should go... it's fun and you make a lot of friends! *cheesy lie smile*...

Fucking college... hahaha

Today wasn't all bad though, I just don't remember why it is awesome now because I'm waiting for my second wind and this is not it.

I guess today is awesome because I have a stye, but not because I'm a peeping tom-- so whooooooooooo for purity (ish). (if you're not Filipino, you probably didn't get that... my bad)

I'm supposed to be watching an Indian movie right now, but right now I just want to curl up and sleep, but when I've actually watched it I'll tell you how it is-- which I'm hoping the answer is fantastic or I might just give up for a bit.

I guess here is where I can dispense my college-ly advice...

just because something is cheap does not mean it is edible...

That burrito I had tasted like a sock, so I'm really just coping with that.

And then my Windows shuffle reminds me why everything is awesome...way to go shuffle, I was trying to complain and be emo-z... curse you.

I guess I'm going to go be lame now and watch Enchanted while I try and get my work done because I'm just about that lucky, and I don't want to ever forget that fact.



^This one's for you and me love...mahal kita

Just for this once I'll settle for being Robert =P

Shot Right Through Like a Bolt of Blue (BEDA #11)

So last night I had some really good inspiration for a BEDA, it was fantastic and I remember thinking to myself that tomorrow (AKA today's today) was going to be an amazing day to write. In short I was pumped, I even said to May that I was pumped to be inspired to right.

I also have a short-term memory problem, so well... cock it-- I forgot how to make it sound intelligent so now you're stuck with the brain goo that is Pax...

Name that tune time, you know the drill-- what's the above song, and to up the ante some more, do you know which video game it was featured in?

Probably not to be honest, and I think by now I do this more for my personal amusement of being witty than making it a game for you guys.

Today is Easter Sunday and in lieu of religious inspiration, I'm at least feeling creatively inspired today, which for a writer is about the same thing as Jesus rising from the dead [/sacrilegious]

So before I get shunned as a non believer... moving on...

I'm working on 3 stories now outside of iLife (which iLife news to follow, FYI)--

All three are untitled at the moment so you'll have to bear with me but here it goes:

I'm working on a modern adaptation of Dante's Divine Comedy, it's loosely based on it however and is merely just the main plot inspiring factor to it versus anything that resembles the classics of Dante. All I have right now is that it's set in high school-- which is enough to damn a movie, I know-- but I want to give this a shot.

After a very weird dream I had today I'm also working on a semi-fictionalized account of a Boston University archaeological dig that was conducted in 1900 in Jerusalem. (The event is real, I've been doing research all day to piece together my dream, that things that happened are what is fictionalized) (this will probably wind up as a shot story before anything else)

and I'm working on a screenplay/novel that was inspired by the 2006 Mark Reyes film, Eternity, if you've never heard of it then you are probably not Filipino and therefore I'm not shocked-- if you have heard of it, well that's that.

However with all these new ideas coming through, I have to say that iLife is becoming more and more of a burden-- I mean, I love it and everything but it feels more like a requirement now than something I was doing creatively.

iLife is due on April 30th, and I have 120 pages to write-- which isn't so bad in screenwriting language since 1 page is a little under a minute of dialogue, action, and staging-- but it's just sitting down and getting organized to write that has me going mental.

In short, wish me luck-- I need it muchly...

Also if you have any songs you'd like to suggest for my iLife plot, get back to me however you think most fit because I'm always looking for inspiring songs and at the very least if I can't fit a song in, I find one like it to capture the same mood.

Yes, I'm well aware I sound crazy to any non-writer, and to any writer you know that being a writer is basically like playing with an imaginary friend all day-- it's their story to tell, you're just the one telling it...

I swear I'm not mental *twitches*

This also takes me to my last pointless point of the day, but I've been asked this in a few places now so I'm just going to answer it:

Yes, I will hopefully be taking part in NaNoWriMo this year, but if I don't, don't hold it against me...

Honestly, my career is already writing, do you know how unrefreshing it is to tuck in after a day of writing and drafting a story, just to write and draft another? hahaha

So now that I've wasted more time writing something that is not for my school work, I should probably at least pretend to get on that-- I might just think of my dream some more because well, I'm Pax...but at least I'm fun *beams*

Stay tuned for tomorrows inspirational post about labels, and if all else fails I'll probably talk about something else entirely like mustard, unicorns, or post-it notes

Soup or Something Like It...

• I DON'T HAVE A RELIGION, so I MUST not have morals.
• I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
• I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
• I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
• I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth.
• I'm ALWAYS SMILING AND LAUGHING, so I MUST have a great life.
• I'm INTO THEATRE & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.
• I HANG OUT WITH GAYS, so I MUST be GAY TOO.
• I'm a VIRGIN, so I MUST be prude.
• I'm SHORT, so I must be a MIDGET
• I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be gay.
• I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.
• I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.
• I am AMERICAN so I MUST be an obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.
• I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet.
• I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE.
• I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
• I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.

I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED

...Wait...no...that's not right...

So Much For Headaches and Bad Luck Not Touching Me (BEDA #10)

Hello and welcome to another edition of "Pax Rambles About Nothing"-- I'm your host for this evening, Pax.

You know the drill by now, the song title is usually related to both my mood and is somehow adapted from a song, so here's the typical game of name that tune: What song am I listening to, or at the very least what band sings a song with some of these lyrics? (remember, it's like horseshoes, as long as you're close I'm not going to beam you with a horse shoe... at least I think that's how that goes...)

*sighs* Sometimes I wish I had epic intro music for things like this, but alas I do not.

Even if it's almost 3:30 in the afternoon I am in short feeling pretty god awful lazy and just want to go back to bed. Saturdays and myself are not friends, we're more like family-- I love Saturdays, but I don't always like them and sometimes want to slam the door in their face when they show up unexpectedly.

On another side note... I miss my fiancee today... *sad face*

I understand that it's Easter weekend and everything and I'm not meaning to be selfish, I know she needs to spend time with her family (and one of us needs to guarantee we're not going to hell), but it's still weird ending my nights without her and starting my mornings without her for now.

Mahal kita...

At least in her absence I've found a myriad of nerdy things to stimulate my mind for now, even if they are a little mindless within themselves.

I recently discovered Omegle through a mixture of 4Chan archives, YouTuber (mainly Alex Day AKA Nerimon), and fmylife.com

Basically the premise of Omegle is that you are completely anonymous, as is the person you are talking to you (so anonymous that it says "You" and "Stranger" when you are talking.

My mom always told me not to talk to strangers, but she never said anything about messing with them...

So basically this is what happens when Anonymous is allowed to have free reign on the Internet: Lucinda, Old Gregg references, and bestiality.

I've also been playing a lot of Street Fighter Alpha (designed for PS1 on my PSP) so far, and I have to say one thing about it.

Every time I hit Chun-Li, a little part of my soul dies...

...can't say the same for my special bar though...

But really, that's the one thing I never understood about Street Fighter is that it is one of the only fighting games from that time that had gender equality, but I'm not so sure that's a good thing...

There are only two female characters in the game, Chun-Li and Rose, and the rest are male.

And mind you, I understand that it's a game, but that doesn't mean I feel alright each time Ryu kicks Chun-Li in the face, it's probably as close as I'll ever get to domestic abuse.

It might really just be me, but I'm curious to ask you guys-- how do you feel about male characters hitting female characters in games, and this isn't the only game in which you can do that (ex. Grand Theft Auto, Tekken, Mortal Kombat, etc.). I don't think I'd have a problem with it were it not for the fact that some of these games are in fact games designed for all ages-- do you think kids would get the wrong message, or do you think it's just a game?

I'm not trying to be a game Nazi, I enjoy my video game violence just as much as the next Mountain Dew fueled game fiend, but I'd be curious is anyone else saw any controversy or need to add a warning to these games.

Speaking of game violence, for those of you who want to beat people up and not have to life a finger, you might enjoy My Brute, I'm on there as Paxomaniac (which no one is probably surprised about).

Basically you just name and design a character, and then watch it fight someone else's character-- you don't even have to life a finger, it's like watching cock (I know, teehee, cock...moving on...) fights, but instead it's little animated midgets fighting with melee weapons (or in my case, shurikens and battle axe for the win)

However if you're really in the mood you can play something a little more stimulating, the only catch is that it doesn't have random violence (boo!)...

But wait vaguely familiar internal monologue-- it helps a good cause.


Free Rice is a website sponsored by the United Nations and basically all you do is answer trivia questions to help supply impoverished areas with rice.

1 question right is 10 grains of rice...so basically after 10 questions you have donated a whole bowl of rice.

The best part is that if you get the question wrong you don't lose rice, but rather you are given the answer and the question will come up later for you to answer and you get another change to earn rice and learn something new.

The best part is that not only is it entertaining, but it helps you learn things and study topics, and on top of that it's helping people around the world with a simple click of the mouse.

No offense, but I think that's a reward that World of Warcraft can't bring you.

You can also choose different topics to be quizzed in which are:

ART

Famous Paintings

CHEMISTRY

Chemical Symbols (Basic)

Chemical Symbols (Full List)

ENGLISH

English Grammar

English Vocabulary

GEOGRAPHY

Identify Countries on the Map

World Capitals

LANGUAGE LEARNING

French

German

Italian

Spanish

MATH

Basic Math (Pre-Algebra)

Multiplication Table

(^this was taken directly from the website)

My thought is that you're already online, what's 5,10,15 minutes out of your day to help someone and have fun along the way?

But if you want to go on a raid, more power to you-- tell me how it feels getting up to a level 70 mage when people around the world are starving... *guilt tripping you*

No worries... I have all day... I can wait...

But now that I've gone all Pax-tivist on you guys for now, I'm going to figure out what I can do for myself right now and treat this dang blasted headache-- definitely waiting for these April showers to be over...

Put 8 Seconds on the Clock, We're Going Into Overtime...(BEDA #9)

Since it's now officially 7:41PM (at the start of writing this), I can wish everyone a good evening-- unless you live in another timezone and then well... I fail *sighs*

Today was the start of my lazy weekend in which I did absolutely nothing of consequence... whooooo for lazy days.

Well actually, this is not entirely true, I in fact did a lot of things that I enjoy muchly in my Paxley brain.

Oh, hold on before I continue-- the song title is a corruption of the song with song of the lyrics reworded in a fitting way so it's time for my favorite time of BEDA *drumroll*... didja guess the song?

I'm going to pause here and assume none of you guessed the song, and that's okay-- I still love you (unless of course I specified I don't love you and then in that case, GTFO my blog)

but now moving on about today:

• discussed immortality on Plurk
• Pondered building a modified car that employed a PS2 controller/modified computer keyboard instead of your typical steering column (<---- Paxmay is on this shit, don't worry)
• Showed my militant pride for being a PC over a Mac (what can I say, Vista is shit, but it's never truly let me down too much)
• Emailed the DH of the CS Department to see how they can help me become a CS minor.
  

Also right now while typing this I am watching Banned from the Bible I (and I plan to watch II as soon as this autoplay is finished).

With this Easter weekend coming up I've been pondering religion a lot lately, which is something I do more often then I'd like to admit.

I hadn't originally intended to make this my view on religion, but I guess it's going that way, but I swear-- this shouldn't offend anyone.

I'm not a religious person, I'm going to admit that and I've admitted it time and time again, and I'm not ashamed of this fact because I'm pleased my parents gave me a choice-- however I'm not completely proud of the fact that I have no religion to even defy or reject.

My father is a Catholic, my mother is a Protestant, and on top of not being able to agree what they wanted to be, they also decided they were going to let their children choose a religion that they wanted to. The only problem with this idea was that my parents have always very readily castigated religion and therefore wanting to pursue a religion in my family would probably be a taboo to them like being gay would be (though my parents would accept that I was gay, just not if I wanted to believe in God-- ironic).

I have a deep fascination in theology and therefore don't consider myself an Atheist, not because I believe it's wrong to be an Atheist, but only because I have yet to rule out the potential for a higher deity-- who knows, I might wind up an Atheist at the time of my death. I don't really consider myself an Agnostic (though if I had to consider myself an Agnostic I would be a Weak Agnostic or I would probably follow an Agnostic theism-- Wikipedia people) either because it's not that I don't know of any existence, or that I don't believe-- but rather I've never been really given a chance. By weak definition I probably would have been a Pagan once upon a time only because I feel almost as if I live in a non-Christian world because of how my parents raised us and it's very weird being so ill educated on this topic. And nothing against Jews, but well... I know I'm not Jewish-- that's the end of that...

I took up a course on Dante's Divine Comedy this past semester and it's really been my first experience in a type of intense theology study in my past 19 (bordering 20) years. I'm still not sure what I believe, but I like this process I've developed from this of accepting and rejecting these ideas as personal ideologies.

I'm also borrowing my roommate's Bible soon because I feel like it's a good place to start-- you know... the beginning.

And now I'm even bored with that ramble, sorry-- I hadn't intended to be so heavy handed and serious so I'm moving on now.

The Evil Baby Orphanage--

I posed this question yesterday and now I'm going to share my opinions now.

I think going back in time and employing an Evil Baby Orphanage would actually be foolish, not because it would be a bad idea to reduce World Suck in the past, but because I feel like having an EBO would increase the chance of creating a grandfather paradox or at the very least an alternate timeline.

The evil that has taken place has defined our World, good or bad and with that I refuse to be the complete undoing of human existence.

However employing an EBO now would be a good idea if we could somehow predict the likelihood of a baby becoming an evil baby-- which might be a little harder given the fact most people don't exhibit signs of being evil until they can walk or talk.

Whoooo I rambled a lot today, I'm sorry-- twas boring and lame and a little too Paxist, what can I say... get me thinking and I really think, and I mean really.

And now I'm done ranting for the day so I'm off BEDA mode for now, however when I actually get my brain all together I remembered I have to ramble about this water they have at school now-- and while I thought I was seeing signs of the DaVinci code, it turned out just to be epic water... *nonsensical*

Accio Appropriate Title, Incendio Writer's Block (BEDA #8)

Evening Nerdfighteria, this is BEDA numbah 8--*excited Kermit the Frog style type clapping*

At least I think it's number 8, if it's not we're going to get a
lesson in counting from Pax, so everyone should be excited.

So you know the drill, I've adapted the title from an already existent song title and made it my own-- my question is:
what song is it?
and who was I just watching on BlogTV? (<---- which is relevant to who wrote the original song).

My Easter weekend officially starts now because my teacher canceled my class tonight as well as my one class tomorrow, so I am basically super super pumped about being able to get some writing and work done early because despite today ending on a sour note I've had a pretty good day. After beating more Peter Pan metaphors to death I went to my Dante's class and realized that theology makes my head hurt. That might be the soul reason I'm not a religious person--well that is aside from all the others. However my roommate is letting me borrow his Bible to read for this weekend, and even then I'll probably just settle for the Lego Bible because it has pictures and the Snape Lego is the devil... so I'd say that's a win all around. Today I also got 3 packages! (which is meant of course in the non-homosexual way, which is apparently a disclaimer I have to make, just an FYI).

The first two aren't so exciting: hearing aid batteries and some screenwriting software from Microsoft (it's Final Draft, so I think that's MS made, correct me if I'm wrong). But the third was schweet to say the least. For some people Easter means religious reflection and appreciation of Jesus, or something like that-- I honestly know more about the religious history of Passover than I do anything in Catholicism (which on a side note for all my Jewish friends, Chag Samayach, my friend Rob taught me that before he went home for the Seder.)

For me however Easter means the long withstanding Paxton tradition of Easter baskets and egg hunts. My mom has always viewed Easter as a second Christmas because she works in a card store and has for close to the past decade now. Before that my mom used to celebrate Easter like this because usually money was tighter around Christmas so she'd space out stuff making sure we always got what we wanted. I'd be really quick to say I was spoiled but I honestly neither ask not expect any of this and I think that makes all the difference.


This is my first Easter away from home (last year Easter ran early and Spring Break ran late so my first college year was the same old same old.) and it's a little weird to say the least. I'm so used to waking up and hunting for chocolate eggs around the house and then sitting down and opening up the baskets with the family. My mom is really great in this respect and I really can't wait till she's an amazing grandmother to my kids, or at least until I get to repay half of this back and spoil my kids on Easter (after church of course, I'm sticking to my guns with mixing traditions... which hopefully means my kids will have a stronger moral center =P hahaha).

I opened up the box addressed to me from my mom and was really shocked to find she had organized a whole basket (minus the basket if that makes any sense). She still went to whole nines even if I couldn't be there and included the note attached to a bag of chocolate eggs that said "have someone hide these for you, Ducky"-- and yes, she does call me Ducky...thank you very much...

Albeit I was a little sad at first because I know this means that my dad isn't in the right enough state of mind to come visit me at school, but I know he's recovering well from his stroke so the best I can do is be happy for him and use the holiday to reflect on that.

Even with all that my mom managed to bring home to me in form of a small brown box complete with candy (more than I know what to do with to be honest ranging from gum, chocolate, and even non-shitty candy hearts, even if they are Twilight themed *I personally like Twilight, but I honestly don't ask for all this*), fuzzy blue bunny whom I have named Colin, and a random assortment of odds and ends that included an Amex gift card, T-Shirt, and a movie magazine which I clandestinely read over in class.

Even I'm still shocked to get money on Easter, but I was soooooooo happy at the same time. After nerding about for an hour or so about what I was going to buy with my money I settled on buying:

Papertowns by John Green
An Abundance of Katherines by John Green
and of course the Paxist standby for weekend food,
some Chinese food.

If you don't know who John Green is, let alone Hank Green, or even the Vlogbrothers then I'm not even sure how you managed to read through this whole thing and for wasting your time I apologize I'll let you step out... now...
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so now to test my blog audience...

be doo doo doo...?

Thought so...

But really, If you've still continued to read and have never seen the Vlogbrothers I think you should check the out you can check on YouTube under keywords: Vlogbrothers, John Green, DFTBA, or even so far as to search for Nerdfighters.

On a side note my question for you is:

Evil Baby Orphanage-- after this week's developments what do you feel about EBO?

I'm just curious where people stand, I'll share my opinions in BEDA #9 if I remember or care to explain.

The rest of the day however took a weird turn as soon as I went to go get my Chinese food man from the guy who did nothing but manage to yell at me-- which usually happens, this is our symbiotic relationship now.

After dealing with the frazzled, angry, but apologetic Chinese food man I popped over the the market that is behind my building where I literally found that hell had broken loose, and in the most accurate senses of the word.

I had never had anyone scream at me: only go this way if you want to get shot today...

I'm going to preface the rest of this with the basic fact that I was never in any immediate danger, I'm fine, and the campus is safe now as of the time I'm posting it.

However a few hours ago we had a situation with a guy in the Park River apartments, which are basically a set of dorm-style apartments set between my complex and the market-- and was ironically where I was headed to buy some iced tea.

Some yahoo had apparently taken a few people hostage after a failed armed robbery, and the basic facts which have been released is that after an hour or two of snipers, K9 units, National Guard, and probably a large portion of both campus and HPD the guy was eventually talked down and no one was injured.

Even with all this, I'm not going to lie-- it was pretty fucking scary to find you've walked into a war zone with guys using guns and shouting commands you've only ever seen in even the most intense shooter game.

I'm still a little shaken, but it's done nothing to ruin my night or my early weekend, I've just learned about the state of our campus' security.

But all these worries aside I think I'm going to read some BBook of Geek and watch some Dil Chahta Hai for class...

and remember Nerdfighters-- DFTBA