FAQs--Not To Be Confused with Fat Angry Quails (BEDA #4)

Oh herro...

This is an atypical blog which we are calling--

Frequently Asked Questions!!!

Believe it or not, even a loser like me eventually get a lots of frequently asked questions about himself, and I am both flattered whilst being simultaneously annoyed. So I've come up with an answer inspired by Liam Dryden AKA LittleRadge on YouTube (check him out, he's Scottish and his girlfriend is Fijian and they are probably one of the more epic couples you will find on the internet-- aside from maybe one *coughs*)


Also-- keep in mind that this is meant to be informative, funny, and not to be taken too seriously in how I respond, just in the answers that I give...

So...here it goes:

Question 1: Is your name really Edward?
Yes, my name is Edward-- Edward James Paxton to be exact (lolololol Edward James?)-- once again, yes my middle name is James, it's not like my mum planned future trends of fan girls 16 years early. I'd really prefer you just call me Pax though if we're anything from friends, family, or random strangers.

Question 2: How old are you?
I actually get this one a lot for people who just see me physically-- I'm almost 20 years old, I'm going to be 20 on Sunday the 7th of June. And before you ask more, yes I'm aware I look 16-- it's just my face, hopefully I'll grow out of it.

Question 3: Do you go to school, where, and what are you studying?
Questions like this always make me feel like I'm being stalked for some reason, but I'll give you basics--
I'm finishing up my second year at my university, and yes I go to a university and not a college. I'm also based in the Hartford area of Connecticut-- in which I like to keep my privacy for the most part unless you really want to hang out, and even then I'm apt to think you're a rapist. In regards to what I'm studying, I'm a film major with emphasis with analysis and writing-- basically I critique content and write my own scripts, production is not my strong suit. I'm also adding a minor in Computer Science for a few reasons, most of which involve me being a nerd and want to take over the world with my family of hackers *shifty eyes*.

Question 4: Do you have any social networking sites, and can I add you up there?
I can't see why you'd want to, but I'm not going to stop you...you can find me on:
Myspace
Twitter
Plurk
Tumblr
Multiply
Friendster(not sure why I have one...)

I also have a few messengers, but the only one I feel okay sharing is MSN, so you can add me under Paxomaniac@Live.com

The best bet is to go online and just search keyword: Paxomaniac, and you'll find me and figure out where I'm at.

Question 5: You realize your name is Edward, right?
Yes... I know, the joke got old about 4 years ago, so let's just all collectively let out a laugh "hahaha, your name is Edward!"-- are we good now?

Question 6: Do you have a girlfriend?
No, I am quite girlfriendless at the moment

Question 7: Are you single?
Oh, that, no...I'm not *whistles*

Question 8: But you just said you didn't have a girlfriend...
I'll let you ask May about that...

Question 9: Who the heck is May?
May is the fifth month of the year in the Gregorian Calendar, and one of seven Gregorian months with the length of 31 days
but in my own personal context May is one half of Paxmay and is less commonly known as Mariel-- and if you couldn't figure out that if she is one half of Paxmay, then I being the Pax part, make up the second half. She was my girlfriend for over a year and best friend for even longer, but that ended-- we're engaged now, so I can still smirk and say that I am more than taken.

Question 10: Oh, so you're *not* gay?
I'm unregretably straight, and I'm fine with you calling me: gay, queer, faggot, flaming rainbow-- I attract gay men like I attract fan girls and either way I'm flattered, but I'm looking for something a little more Maylicious.

Question 11: But don't you realize your name is Edward, haven't you read--
Yes to both... I have read the books, I see the connections, and before you ask again keep in mind that like the fictional Edward I am also romantically involved-- you might want to try for a guy named Jacob or Mike, you might have better luck.

Question 12: OMG ARE YOU FLIP??LOLOLOLOL
for those of you who don't understand LOLSpeech basically this question means: Are you perhaps Filipino? If you are, I would find this laugh out loud worthy.
...*sighs*-- I AM NOT FILIPINO-- I repeat, hindi Pilipino ako, Amerikano ako.

Question 13: But you speak Tagalog?
I also speak Spanish, German, French, and American Sign Language, and I am none of these nationalities (though I am partially deaf, just FYI)

Question 14: I don't understand, how do you know Tagalog?
I was Filipino in a past life... *shrugs*

Question 15: Huh?
*headdesk*-- ummm, lemme try again--
Back in December 2007 I started learning some basic phrases to wish my best friend a multilingual Happy Birthday (and yes, this same best friend is my fiancee now, FYI-- which through deductive reasoning should tell you she is Filipina). It actually got to be really interesting and I saw a lot of tethers to Spanish (which I'm fluent in), but at the same time it was a language I had no backing in. I started doing my own web research and began watching videos and downloading some free flashcard programs. I also like watching Filipino movies (Regal Cinema for the win!) and learned a lot of pronounciation there (my favorite love team hands down is Mark Herras and Jennylyn Mercado-- just to show you how Pinoy I can get hahaha). I even bought an elementary text book for Christmas and I learn from that whenever I have free time. Being on Plurk helped me a lot too and is why I can read a lot more Tagalog than I can respond in-- it's basically being immersed in something so long you start to pick it up out of necessity.

So yes in short, I can speak some Tagalog, read some, write some-- but if I get confused with something you said, please be nice to me and translate instead of making some remark about how I don't know what I'm doing-- I never said I was fluent, I'm still a student.

Question 16: But why the Philippines?
well besides having a bias with my fiancee, I'm not really sure-- I'm not normal and I have proof, and before asking anything about that I recommend you check out my specialty blog here: http://notsoabroadamerikano.blogspot.com/

Question 17: are you a whore?
Let's go down the list:
I'm a virgin, I'm engaged, I have never done anything sexually with anyone, and even when I will, it's with someone I'm fully committed-- so I can live proud knowing these facts: I don't have AIDS or other diseases-- and I don't have to worry about them developing, I might be inexperienced-- but I'm in love, and I've never preached about staying a virgin and then decided to suck someone off in lieu of sexual intercourse *Pax: 1, Haters:0*-- hope you can kiss mommy and daddy with that mouth hahaha.

Question 18: what every Pax-girl (fangirl, hahaha) wants to know...boxers or briefs? woot)" height="21"> (thanks Sam hahaha)
No shame in a man with Boxers-- and before it goes on any long rant about why, I honestly don't know. They're cheap, I can wear them around the house without feeling naked, they're cheap, we don't need to see more of my body than necessary, I have since I was 7-- and also because deep down I think they sound more badass-- like Balboa-esque boxer.

Question 19: how do we know that you're real and you're not a really advanced bot who could answer people like a normal human?
Like internet bot, or robot-bot?

Because the first one is simple, bots have an easier time with CAPTCHA than I do, and a bot wouldn't have epic fails like :), =0), or =00 when in YM.

As for real robots, I've actually discussed the potential of having robotic organs and limbs swapped out for mine when my human body starts to go rubbish. Basically it's really out of a yen to live forever, and right now vampirism has such a stigma against it (thanks Stephenie Meyer [/sarcasm]

Question 20: is it true that orange has no rhyming word?
Orange rhymes with door hinge, problem solved...

Question 21: If you're not Filipino, then what are you?
American, specifically of an Irish, English, and Australian ethnicity

Question 22: You're not Asian?
No...

Question 23: Not even half?
No...not even half...

Question 24: You look a little Korean...
That's not even a question, and if anything I've been told I look half Pinoy...

Question 25: so you're not really Pinoy?
Didn't we cover this?... and why the hell am I asked you... THEY'RE MY FAQS!

Question 26: Why do you squint so much then?
It's just something with my face, I have particularly narrow eyes for a Caucasian eye, in fact before you ask-- my eyes are blue. I'm just kind of singkit, and most people I know have learned to accept me as I am (mostly Filipinos, let's not lie)

Question 27: what can you do to help conserve our environment?
I never leave the computer, by preventing my time outside in the environment, I'm making sure there's more for everyone else... happy?

Question 29: Why did you skip 28?
Because I hate even numbers, and I have a firm believe that while the solution the universe is 42, the only contribution I can add to that mix is 29...and if you have to ask why, then I guess I'll have more FAQs for another go =P hahaha