The Geek in the Purple

He's alive?

2010-06-21T14:03:00.003-04:00

I think for a while I had given the impression that I'd fallen off the face of the Earth, so if anyone actually noticed-- I'm sorry. I don't have a good excuse other than I didn't really feel like full-on blogging, though I do post from daily on my Tumblr.

Today though I actually wrote something on my Tumblr that seemed worthy of being something I would blog here, so I thought I'd share it since I only just finished it a few moments ago.

I’ve just been having one of those days where I can’t help but see the worst in people— not because I’m looking for it, but because people have a tendency of using Monday as a day to be horrible and then by Friday afternoon people are much more bearable again. So instead of complaining about it— I’ve decided just to air some grievances in the most playful manner way that I can muster.

I dislike people who act like anyone who doesn’t get their coffee from Starbucks just obviously doesn’t know what they’re missing out on. Guess what, I’ve been at Starbucks a load of times— I don’t think I’m missing much other than the trendy cups, the trendy sitting area, and the trendy trendsters. Kindly please stop looking down on me and my Dunkin Donuts coffee and donut. If you genuinely enjoy Starbucks then by all means, you are free to go about your day— you are the kinds of people who make me have a happy.

I dislike people that describe themselves as open-minded, when in most cases they’re just like-minded. It’s easy to call yourself open-minded when you don’t associate with people who disagree with you. I think that a person can be open-minded about certain facets in their lives like music, movies, books, television. I however have very rarely run across someone who has managed to possess open-minded political and religious beliefs, because admittedly it’s very hard to believe what you believe and let others believe what they believe without feeling like you need to defend yourself. If I told you I didn’t like gay people (which isn’t true, but is the only example I could come up with that would lead to incensed rage) then obviously your response wouldn’t be “I respect your position”— I think in most cases I would get called homophobic even before I could explain my side (okay, maybe not the best example, but if you can substitute something better in yourself, please do). If you have managed to be a genuinely open-minded person, I urge you to please write a book because I think we could all take a lesson from you.

I dislike people who try so hard not to be “in” or “normal”— one example being people who refuse to listen to popular music, even if it was a band they loved before someone else had heard of them. It doesn’t matter if someone sells a thousand records or a million records, you should love what you love because you love it— there’s no sense in hating something you enjoy just because someone you hate enjoys it. I also wish people would learn the true definition of being a sell-out, because getting paid for what you do and selling out are two different things. Ideally as an artist you do want to sell— I know some people say they do stuff for the ‘art’, but that hippie-dippy logic doesn’t put food on the table. Selling out would be like Motörhead covering Hannah Montana because it would purposefully make them more money. Making money for what you love do while still doing it on your own terms and maintaining happiness is called being “successful”— something we should all hope to aspire towards.

I don’t like how people feel like they need to criticize someone for something they enjoy, just because other people might find it stupid, or whatever more creative insult comes to mind. Unless someone’s favorite hobby is murder, driving under the influence, incest, or etc., then just leave them be— it’s not with your time or theirs for you to try and convince them otherwise. People are going to like what they like because they like it, everyone has their reasons— just like you have yours. You’re not doing anyone a favor by proselytizing, regardless of whether that thing is a religion, or even just something as silly as a TV show or movie At the end of the day it’s not like anything like that matters in the end. Earlier this year I had the realization that it didn’t matter if I felt that God didn’t exist or not, because even if people were faced with conclusive evidence that God doesn’t exist— they’re going to live how they want regardless of how it makes them appear to other people. I almost have to envy people’s ability to shoulder criticism like that and never falter, it’s refreshing to see that in this day and age people can still find a way to be themselves when it seems the world has created this idealized concept of how we should all behave.

I used to be one of those people who lived by the doctrine that “life is too short”, when I really meant to say “live your life to the fullest”. Life actually isn’t too short, I mean, what are you going to do that is longer? You could debate that you’ll be dead longer, but I don’t think that’s exactly the point. Out of the things you can actually experience as a human being, life is the longest thing you can do— unless you’ve ever stood in the line for the DMV, and then the feeling is questionable.

To steal a quote from Mean Girls: Calling somebody else fat won’t make you any skinnier. Calling someone stupid doesn’t make you any smarter— I’m not saying I abide by this by any means, but I think to some degree it is a fundamentally good idea. Telling someone they’re wrong doesn’t make you right, and even sometimes explaining why they’re wrong isn’t going to help you either, at the end of the day you need to stop living your life at the expense of others and learn to move on.

To some degree, I dislike how many people are just going to ignore this— because they’re exactly the kind of people who could have a few lessons to learn. I guess that’s just how the world works though— we don’t notice the cracks in our personality until they’re too big to fix.

I don't have much else to add today, though I think my motivation bug is back-- so I'll try and at least update here once a week with things over the summer. The only thing I can report as of late is that I just celebrated my 21st birthday two weeks ago today. No subtle innuendos of a drunken rager here-- I've had about 3 drinks since being legal, and I'll probably pack in a few more tomorrow and hope for the best.

Oh, and happy first day of summer, I suppose in honor of that I'll go play my summer anthem on repeat.

Warning Random "It's a Good Cause" Post Ahead

2009-12-10T18:40:00.003-05:00

Every year I usually try and find some free charity or organization to support, usually around the holidays because that's when they are usually the most abundant.

This year's random organization was brought to me randomly by Facebook and it's right up my alley in terms of personal interest. I am a military fanatic, I support our troops immensely and try and show my support in many ways as possible-- even if it means buying shittier chewing gum because it donates money to various scattered veteran's organizations.

Well this one is completely free and takes less than a minute: It's sponsored by Xerox, which everyone recognizes (hopefully) with relation to copiers and copying and other office services.

Let'sSayThanks explains itself more on the website, but for anyone who needs more convincing it is described on the official Facebook Group as:

XEROX IS DOING SOMETHING COOL

If you go to this web site, www.LetsSayThanks.com you can pick out a thank you card and Xerox will print it and it will be sent to a soldier that is currently serving overseas. You can't pick out who gets it, but it will go to a member of the armed services.

How AMAZING it would be if we could get everyone we know to send one!!! It is FREE and it only takes a second.

Wouldn't it be wonderful if the soldiers received a bunch of these? Whether you are for or against the war, our soldiers over there need to know we are behind them.

This takes just 10 seconds and it's a wonderful way to say thank you. Please take the time and please take the time to pass it on for others to do. We can never say enough thank you's.

Thanks for taking to time to support our military!

Just in case anyone missed the site it's : http://www.letssaythanks.com/Home1280.html

For anyone who's a stickler for validity before doing anything here are some links that have investigated it to prove it's a real organization:

http://urbanlegends.about.com/library/bl_lets_say_thanks.htm
http://www.hoax-slayer.com/xerox-say-thanks.html
http://www.snopes.com/politics/military/letssaythanks.asp

Really, all it takes is a minute if you choose the cookie-cutter response option and maybe two minutes tops if you want to give your own reply to a serviceman or woman.

I've Been Good This Year...

2009-12-01T13:15:00.002-05:00

If we redefine what "good" means...

I'm not the kind of person who tries to ask for a lot of superficial Christmas gifts, and honestly even when I try and convince my parents not to buy me things and just donate to charity in my name... they just do both.

This year my mom doesn't want me to fight with her over gifts, so I'm just making this now to say I was well behaved and did it.

1) LED Binary Watch

Courtesy of: ThinkGeek

This is my expensive gift of the year, and is also probably the least likely one I'll get. I still like to include something a little bit more expensive and geeky each year in hopes I'll get it. It took me 3 years to get a PSP, I figure I can break them in 2 with this.

2) Metalocalypse: Season One DVD

I know some people will have eye rolled at this, but really...it's a 14 dollar TV series on DVD, the episodes are barely 10 minutes a piece so blasting through two seasons can be done in less than a day, two days if you actually sleep. I think I'd ask for Season Two, too...just because after Christmas I get my surgery and I'll be bored a lot.

3) Killswitch Engage: Killswitch Engage (2009)

I'll probably just settle for the regular one disc album, but a guy can dream can't he? I love these guys and I lost a lot of their CDs through damage as a teen, loss on the move to college, and then out of general disrespect for the music industry I just download everything. Still from time to time I feel like buying a CD helps even the scales again.

4) Heavy Metal Shirt

Courtesy of: ThinkGeek

I think this is something really fitting for me, geeky, funny, accurate...it's the kind of shirt I could see chuckling at for days too and my mom has always said my shirts are a good topic of conversation and I'd like to keep up that tradition.

5) Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen DVD

As it has been established, I am a geek...I like geeky things, and this movie was an explosive geekgasm, and not even at a credit to Megan Fox but due to the sheer cheesy awesome of a cartoon being adapted into badass explosions and robot cars!

My mom will probably be disappointed that I haven't listed more so I'll have to get back to this, honestly...I spend my whole life never getting what I want and now they want to give me too much =P

The Call

2009-11-19T14:31:00.002-05:00

Honor, Courage, Commitment.

If you have any prior knowledge of the military you'll know that those are the core values of the United States Marine Corps.

Semper Fidelis.

The Corps' latin motto that means "Always Faithful", which to my understanding usually means faithful to the Corps, faithful to your brothers and sisters in the Corps, and faithful to your country and defending them even if it means giving your life in the process.

I'd always believed in these values growing up, and I'm not even sure where I learned them, but these ideals have resonated me for as long as I can remember.

My mom jokes that I was born old, other people have joked that in a past life I must have served in the military because there's just something about me. No one has ever been able to place exactly what that something is, but there must be some indelible mark that I can't see.

Something about the Marines has always attracted me, and solely the Marines.

My grandfather was in the Army when he was only a little younger than I am now and I always thought it was a little too brutish and unskilled for me. The other branches of the military never attracted me, there was something missing whenever I'd see the troops visit out school for the Memorial Day celebration (it was fitting that I went to Memorial High School, probably part of the reason I have some military beliefs like someone who went to a Catholic school has religious beliefs.)

The Marine however always stood out, the way he stood, the way he presented himself, there was something about him that you could see from a mile away. Maybe this was the same something that everyone has been able to see in me, I'll never be sure, but all I know.

I remember telling my mom how I wanted to serve in the military instead of attend college. Needless to say she was less than enthused. The short version of what happened is that she said no, however the longer story is much more amusing, at least it would be if it weren't real life.

My mom is my greatest protector, and the biggest threat to someone who tries to hurt me. I feel bad for the recruiters that had to call my house, I can only imagine the things my mother said to them while I eavesdropped from the upstairs landing. She ripped up every packet that came addressed to "Mr. Edward J Paxton" from the various armed services around the country.

I used to get upset that she was preventing me from my destiny, preventing me from living a life of courage, honor, commitment; even preventing me from being faithful.

Now that I get to look back with older eyes and a greater maturity though, I think I should thank her. So here it goes mum, thank you for making the decisions that I was too young to intelligently make at that time myself.

I might not be a Marine, and I might never get a chance, but that doesn't change who I am.

I still have that something in me, I still believe strongly in living my life with honor, courage, and commitment, and I found a more applicable meaning for "Semper Fidelis".

Who knows, maybe someday I'll get a chance to serve my country, whatever country that is in the future, but life has found a way of finding me a purpose.

I used to regret going to college, but that was before I got there. I now realize that there's all things in our lives that we have to give up. I was told that a call to serve the military was like a call to serve God and that very few people could hear it, but for those that do it's like a bell tolling until the point it almost annoys you to ignore it.

This is true, there is some type of pull, some type of call to attention, call to order, and I can tell you that I've heard it, or at least I did.

As I get older I've realized that I have a higher calling and it's not to God, or country, or even myself...but it's when you realize you have a higher purpose with someone else rather than something.

I'm not sure what my future holds with this, maybe someday I'll get another change to prove myself and wear that uniform, but if I don't at least I know I made the right choice and I have no regrets.

Well maybe I have one regret, but there's always Halloween =P

Overdue Memes

2009-10-16T19:44:00.003-04:00

Mmmm, Fridays...

I walked 2.5 miles today in 40 minutes, this was my way home today. Usually I take the bus home and it gets me there in five minutes but apparently on the day it drops below freezing I decide to show some motivation.

My roommate is watching Watchmen right now and all I can hear is moaning, so needless to say I'm trying to find something else to occupy my time to avoid the ummmmm...sex scenes...

So I'm doing one of those obligatory memes that I was tagged in a few months ago and somehow missed-- I'm honestly not even sure how I found it, but Rich tagged me months ago and I guess that is what finals do to my blog roll.

6 Facts, that's not so hard...I think I can manage 6 Facts about myself:

1) I watch Bob Ross almost every day, and I mean every day. There is not one day this past year (barring my vacation without internet) where I didn't watch Bob Ross. And yes, Bob Ross as in Happy Trees, Afro, and painting series. There are some days when I deliberately switch my IP address just so I can watch more Bob Ross videos without having to register for a Pro Account on MEGAVIDEO. I'm actually hoping to get some of the series on DVD this Christmas because I've probably played all the available episodes more than 50 times each.

(I just noticed I was listening to him paint right now too)

2) My feet are a physical nightmare-- I have had bunions since birth, I suffer from fallen arches, and flat feet (which are not exactly the same thing according to my doctor). I had my first Austin Bunionectomy on my left foot about a month after my 20th birthday (my surgery was on Canada Day 2009). My foot is mostly healed but I have a horrendous scar on my foot that looks something like this

(I found this on Flickr, I'm oddly jealous of how much nicer their scar looks than mine)

My scar is puffy and purple and is my new ironic cross to bear. Before my feet were barely functional, but fairly attractive as feet come. Now my foot is still only moderately functional (recovery is 6 months total) and I have a horrendous purple scar that will probably never fade in my lifetime. I have to have my second surgery on December 30th, 2009.

In regards to my arches, I have an illusion for an arch. I look like I have well defined arches, and then I take a step, and my foot is flat on the floor again like I'm some over grown baby foot. Because of my fallen arches I am also incredibly flat footed. My doctor likes to joke that my feet are that of my past life and that I got the body of a young man, but I got the feet of a WWII infantry man. I have to admit this does make me chuckle some.

3) I am the furthest thing from metrosexual/homosexual (yes, I know sexual stereotyping...sue me), but with this being said, I love shoes. If you've ever seen those guys on Cribs with box after box after box of shoes-- yeah, I'm that kind of guy. I'm at least responsible with my shoes-- I usually don't buy anything too expensive unless I really feel like I need it. There's a guy who goes by the moniker of Sole Junkie and he makes customized shoes-- needless to say if I was loaded I'd buy a pair of customized shoes from him.

The first time I saw these shoes, I realized that this would be my mark of success someday

4) From age 12-18 (or so) I used to wear a hat to bed, and I'm not even sure why. It wasn't necessarily even the same hat...over that span of 6 years it had been lots of different hats. I always found something comforting about having a hat on my head, especially while I was sleeping. I'm not sure why I stopped, I think living with a roommate changed a lot of my habits because you don't really want to seem weird. I think also because most of my hats have gotten pretty ratty I just stopped abusing them any more than they needed to be.

5) I'm commonly referred to as a Renaissance man, and not by any insisting of my own. I'm just interested in an insane amount of fields like writing, languages (especially foreign languages), psychology, mythology, science, history (largely history associated to wars and pre-WWII Europe and North America), theology, law, medicine, film, computers, meteorology, and anything that comes to my interest at any time. (and yes, I have pondered a career in every one of the previous)

6) I used to hate coffee, it used to make me violently ill and I never knew why. For the longest time I just assumed I couldn't tolerate coffee or I just really wasn't a fan of it...something logical like that. It was only over the past year or so that I learned it wasn't because I hated coffee, but because I learned I had become lactose intolerant sometime during my freshman year (I was not lactose intolerant until I got to college, which I thought was weird). Now that I've started taking my coffee black (admittedly with some sugar) I've started abusively drinking coffee-- I'm not sure I see this as a positive, but at least it gets me going in the morning minus the cringing regret and uncontrollable vomiting.

And yes, of course I end it on a classy note...win!

Today is My Day Off...

2009-10-08T17:02:00.003-04:00

Today was my favorite kind of day, mindless:

Woke up to my roommate's alarm, a few minutes before my own
Dropped my phone off the edge of the bed and grumbled while trying to silence the screaming of Howard Jones from KsE
Recovered my computer from where it got dropped on the floor last night-- it has all the signs of damage now including a green line that waves about my monitor until I smack it
Spent time with my adorably feverish fiancee, who as said was both adorable and feverish
Lay in bed for another 20 minutes before deciding to go to the Financial Aid Office
Financial Aid Office was actually a waste of time
Checked the mail for my Jarhead DVD
Got profiled at the market by some blonde girl, she apparently doesn't like metal music or military bomber garb
Went back to the room and streamed Red Sands from Megavideo
Made a steak sandwich
Dripped BBQ sauce on my laptop and only realized later what I was licking it off of-- my laptop has a very distinct dust and BBQ sauce taste now
Googled more shooter style games, I'm in need of a video game fix for sure

I also just learned that my eldest cousin is going back to school, which means both my eldest and middle cousins are officially in college-- both of them studying some type of medical profession. Essentially this means that both Alex and Shanna could wind up being nurses. I'm both amused and proud of this fact.

I'm not sure what the rest of tonight will hold, but I'm pretty content with how things have been lately. Life is good, and I don't want to trade it for anything.

I Get It Now...I Think

2009-09-19T05:24:00.002-04:00

My tiny chickens have finally let up and I feel much better. I've used that phrase a lot this week and figure it takes some explaining.

Tiny chickens= Hank Green inspired Nerdfighter phrase that is synonymous with a head cold (aka, the pecking in the brain, and the general gooey disgusting facial appearance)

I'm however particularly restless right now after a night of drinking Butterbeer with my roommate. Yes, Butterbeer as in the fictitious treat enjoyed without the confines of the Harry Potter fandom. Google it, there's a recipe for it on Mugglenut and it's an instant jolt-- I had two mug fulls and I'm just....buzzzzzzzzzzz.

I just had another one of those "adult realization" moments-- once again inspired by my dad. It's strange how I'm learning more about the things he taught me as a kid now than I ever did when he first told me.

When I was a little kid my dad used to make me watch Stand By Me with him (Rob Reiner film, Stephen King short story) and I used to complain at being forced to watch it with him. I didn't understand what the point of it was for me to sit there and just watch my dad transfixed by this movie.

I know deep down it has to do with his mom, my nana. I'm not sure if it was her favorite film or something, but for some reason I think of this film and I think of my dad giving talks about my grandmother.

My nana died in June 1989, I was born in June 1989, there was a very small window in which I "knew" her. I have no memories of her so I have to kind of watch my father's reverence for her. I've never ask much about her, but over my life he's given me more about her and I kind of appreciate every bit of information I get about her. I've only realized now how well I've known her all along.

I remember whenever we'd watch this movie my dad would say "someday you'll appreciate this" and I think I mocked him much in the way a little kid calls their dad crazy.

Well dad, I get it now. You're still not any less crazy.

Sitting here watching this movie it's fallen into place in a weird way.

It's a chain of events, a tradition that I'm just meant to continue out of honor. I'm pretty sure my dad doesn't even like the movie, but that's not the point. My nana liked this movie and in turn it reminds my dad of her. My dad showed the movie to me because it links me indirectly to her and directly to him. Someday it'll be my turn to sit my kids down and link them to their grandfather and great-grandmother and wait 20 years for the realization.

But I honestly need to stop having these epiphanies at 5:44AM...

Choosing...

2009-09-16T18:59:00.004-04:00

Short post today, partially because I'm tired of thinking about this topic and I want to do a quick brain dump and then forget about it for a while, and also because I'm suffering from an awful case of tiny chickens.

Some people know that I was recently invited to rush a fraternity, co-ed, service fraternity and has a lot of great prestige following it. I really wanted to do this and essentially after another rush meeting they are going to extend a bid (not usually how it works with social fraternities which is why I'm still being considered). I really want to do this, I have this fascination with brotherhood (and sisterhood, though they are also called brothers because woman's lib is funny like that).

However there's the other part of me that is a dedicated member of one of the largest clubs on the school campus-- we are affectionately called the Guild (essentially it's the geek club without me explaining too much). I love doing things with the Guild and a lot of my friends are in the Guild with me, I actually feel like I can be myself there.

These two clubs share a lot of the same events and in turn I'd probably have to choose going to the event to help represent APO or going as one of the Guildies.

At the moment it sounds like I'm being made to choose Greek over Geek, and I'm having a hard time reconciling this. I know that a lot of the APO members do two organizations, even 3 at once, so I guess it couldn't hurt to just ask them how they did it and how they balance brotherhood, education, social lives, and all that.

I have decided though that I am going to try and be both, do both-- and if it fails then I have the option to always de-pledge in the process. I just don't want to sacrifice who I am for who I want to be, and it's proving to be harder than it sounds.

Damn you Troy Bolton, you made this "be yourself" thing look so easy!

Bears, Beets, Battlestar Galactica

2009-09-13T18:26:00.002-04:00

Today was a weird day.

Not weird as in "Socially Awkward Penguin" weird, but as in like everything seemed to work out...right, I suppose is how I would word it.

I woke up a little later than expected today and sadly missed some cozy couple time, which is okay we'll make up for it later-- which is something I think we both need with the stress of school, or just the stress of generally being as awesome as being Paxmay entails.

I woke up at about 12:10 and just laid in bed for a while, thinking. Not about anything in particular but kind of that free thought dream extension where everything is still kind of mindless. I like that time, I guess you could say I do some of my best reflective thinking then even if I can't remember it hours later.

Today was another day with pancakes, of which I'm indifferent to pancakes in their actuality, but they do evoke some familiar sense of home. I've been using those Bisquick "Shake 'n' Pour" things, they come in a yellow container that resembles Tide-- just add water and you get delicious pancake batter. This is definitely something I recommend to parents, if you're the homemade breakfast kind this would be a worthwhile investment. I think it literally took me 5 minutes total to prepare everything and the clean up after was limited to my spatula and frying pan. I've never been so impressed by modernization of food before today.

I've learned a lot of handy cooking stuff as of late, even just this weekend I was always busy making something. Last night I made Filipino style spaghetti with little to no failure, which was impressive enough for me. I think more dinner foods should be as sweet as that. I also made bacon, onion, and cheese stuffed burgers on the stove tonight-- I'm learning my way around home grilling without a real grill, and let's say road bumps are expected. I only managed to set off the fire alarm 3 times this weekend, which is much better than the usual given how sensitive it is to steam and general humidity. Which means yes, if the weather patterns change to quickly our smoke detector goes off.

The real exciting part doesn't come until about 4PM when I received a call from the woman I met at the job fair this week. I know I was guaranteed a job because of work study, but it's still cool to join the ranks of the employed again after nearly 2 years without a steady job. I'll be doing the basic paper pusher, phone stuff, mixed with some specialty web design work and video editing. Basically if "Pax" could be labeled as a job versus a person, this job would be what we call Pax.

This brings me one step closer to my goal of being Jim Halpert, because even I'm too sane to be Dwight, also my conversation German could use some work.

Work starts Friday and I have every intention of blasting the Scrantones the whole way there-- you can bet on it.

Bloglovers? Inspiration! hallelujah chorus

2009-09-13T00:50:00.006-04:00

So I'm sure that many people know by now that I'm an utter YouTube fanboy, and also that I have a familiar preoccupation with the vloglovers AKA Liam/Min who I've probably referenced in my blog more than once.

vloglovers is something that May and I watch together, because it's so utterly familiar down to even the weirdest idiosyncrasies, at least on my part.

Anyway, after watching Liam's video this week I have decided that as soon as I have time to sit down I'll probably be doing something oh, like...this.

I mean, I'm going to have to be weird and creative given my lack of a camera, but basically to appease my adorable ninja fiancee I'm going to be posting clips up on IMEEM of songs that sync up to answers similar to these. She's claimed I could do a "better job" because I'm the "music guru", which is clearly just her bias talking, because I think Liam did a hilariously bang up job especially with the Scatman John cover of Invisible Man.

and who knows, maybe after this I can convince her to do a bloglovers with me, eh, eh? [/ang cheesy]

Life of A Salesman

2009-09-11T13:39:00.003-04:00

I have to apologize to a lot of people about why I've flown off the handle a few times today, I know I'm usually a firebrand as it is but today has hit a certain number of sensitivities that exist in very small doses.

8 years ago today I was 12 years old, sitting in my middle school Language Arts class, I can still remember what I was wearing all the way down to my shoes. I can remember walking down the hallway and hearing snippets of what was going on. It's funny how as a kid you take the words "plane crash" with a grain of salt as if it's something you're supposed to expect.

And then we got told the whole mess.

Let's not pretend for one second I was afraid for what was going to happen to me in the future-- I was scared for my dad.

My father is a traveling salesman-- not like in the Bible selling way, but he was the main distributor for parts to computer systems in a Corporate setting. I know it has to do with circuit boards and chips, and the occasional military technology that even at 20 I can't understand.

On September 10, 2001, I got screamed at by a certain traveling salesman for doing something I should have--I probably left my bike under his car, or lost my temper and kicked a wall, or it could have even been the constant skateboarding in my room dinging up the walls; I was a typical 12 year old boy.

On September 10th at 9PM when my dad came to talk to me after cooling down I told him I hope he died-- because I was a 12 year old boy and you never grasp the meaning of your words, just that they sound powerful.

On September 11th at 5:30AM my father woke me up for me to wish him off to the airport. I stoically huffed at him and didn't speak, my own sign of solidarity that I was going to talk to him-- he said "I love you, EJ" and he left.

On September 11th at 9:53AM we were switching classes, I was going from Math to Geography, and I remember in the hallway hearing Mr. Healy (Geography) say to Mr. Turgeon (Language Arts) about a plane crash. I felt like I knew something everyone didn't, and stupidly felt smug knowing something they were going to tell us--and I was just as stupidly wrong.

At 11:30 I was in the downstairs boy's bathroom, just outside the lunchroom, throwing up the majority of my dinosaur oatmeal while my friends were all just silent in the lunchroom, because no one knew what to say or do to the kids who didn't know if their parents were alright.

I was one of those kids who didn't know yet.

It's an unsettling feeling trying to remember all the details from my dad's boarding pass, after all I'd been there when he picked up his initial ticket. We lived right down the street from an airport after all.

That was what we did. On weekends my dad would take me to the airport and pay the five dollars to park in the carport and we'd run up and down the moving walkways and watch the planes take off from the observation bay. Then we'd get McDonald's and he'd narrate the moving walkway for me as I continued to run up and down it doing whatever stupid thing came to mind.

I know that my dad's original plan was not to depart from home this time though, he was going to depart from Logan International Airport in Boston and continue his business in Miami Florida and be home by that Friday so we could go out for pizza at Papa Gino's.

Logan International Airport is now more commonly known as the airport that American Airlines Flight 11 flew out of before hitting the North tower that killed 1,392 people in total.

Imagine being 12 years old and only knowing that a plane from Logan Airport had crashed and killed everyone on board-- they gave no other specifics at that time, just where it flew out of and where it crashed.

I think I fought back tears all day, waiting for the best and worst when I got home.

When I got home on the bus, my best friend, Elijah (who now goes more by Ace), walked me home and said if I needed I could come over his house afterward. I'm pretty sure I just nodded and then proceeded to throw up in my mouth.

I still remember the atmosphere of my house when I walked in-- the TV on and muted and replaying the crash over and over again. The sunny weather almost seemed to contrast it all and it made me feel disconcerted and sick. If you've never experienced that feeling like you've been under water and tried to listen to speaking, you won't understand the overwhelming sense of pressure in my house.

It was about 2:23 when I got home that day, my mom was still a stay at home mom at that time, but even then she would usually be showered and ready by 10AM. When she came downstairs she still wasn't quite finished, like she had just stopped in the middle of it all and forgotten.

The only thing I remember her saying was that she hadn't heard from him, but that it wasn't his flight and that she had been calling the school all day, first my middle school and then my sister's elementary school only to be met with a busy signal. However she hadn't heard from him and to what she knew they were still in the process of grounding all the planes.

On September 11th, 9:58PM our house phone rang, I was sitting in my bedroom reading Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets with the door just ajar. My mom was downstairs watching TV, if I had to guess she was watching Friends. I remember hiding in the stairwell listening to her talk and finally having that comforting reality that my dad was safe-- he had been grounded in Graceland hours earlier and his cell phone couldn't get service in Tennessee.

On September 14th, 6:42PM my father arrived home in his rental car with a less than shaven face and he tossed me a Louisville Slugger and he said "Kentucky says hello, Sport". He'd promised me that he'd come home with a souvenir from Florida, and he was at least true to his word.

I found out years later that he stopped at the official Louisville store because the radio had been warning of highway robbers and looters and he wanted to be prepared and have a suitable gift for his 12 year old son.

The rest is a blur, I remember lots of crying and and remember lots of joking around to try and lessen the mood-- and I know for a fact that night my father checked on my bedroom no less than 15 times, for reasons that are beyond my understanding even still.

8 years later my father and I share an awkward truce, a lot has happened and I'm not 12 any more. I might not like him, but I always love him and I'd be lying if I said I hadn't cried at least once today.

My mom said he'll always see me as I was at 12, and I think I'm not exactly opposed to that image.

Welcome Home, Outcasts!

2009-09-07T13:49:00.004-04:00

Oh hai!

It's been a while since I've just blogged for the sake of a jovial mood and updating people and I'm feeling jovial and in an update mood-- so this is what this is, an honest to goodness bloggy-blog.

I've been back at uni for a little over week now and I have to say it's a good change of pace while returning to an ever familiar routine of mine. It's scary to think that I'm in my third year, a Junior for anyone who's counting on their fingers right now.

I can still remember what I got accepted to U of H, it was sometime in December 2006, it makes me honestly feel so much older than the little boy who danced around to MC Lars on his kitchen table when he got an early acceptance letter.

Classes have been the usual, I'm really interested in what I'm taking this year-- so far my schedule stands as:

Monday

World Cinema— 1:30-5:00

Programming Foundations— 7:20-10:00

Tuesday

Industrialization in Asia— 3:30-4:45

Adult Journey: Search for Meaning—5:00-7:20

Wednesday

Orientalism in Cinema—1:30-5:00

Thursday

Industrialization in Asia— 3:30-4:45

So far with the way the school year has been scheduled I haven't had my Monday courses yet-- and it just so happens those were the two I was looking forward to most. the World Cinema class is taught by one of my favorite film professors, Isabelle Freda who is just, well she's a character and reminds me of much more approachable version of my high school photography teacher. I'm indifferent towards my Programming course for right now, but I am excited to spend some time working in MS-VB 2008, even if I only understand on the most basic level what that means.

My other courses so far are just, well kind of perfect so far, even if a little intense. my film courses are always my favorites, especially now that I'm well established in the school-- I kind of know the teachers and the topics well by now that I find myself really feeling like I know what I'm doing. My Industrialization in Asia course scares the shit out of me, but I know I'm going to learn a whole lot of stuff and I mean a looooooot. My Adult Journey course is basically like applied Psychology 101, it's a highly autobiographical "All University" course (this basically means I'm required to take this class, or one of a similar discipline to get electives credit, so I might as well enjoy it). It's a lot of theories, but then we discuss the general awesomeness of what those theories mean to us-- I also really like the professor because she's letting us call her Roz-- I'm a bit of a Disney/Pixar fanboy and it makes me chuckle.

However the most exciting thing yet is not the courses, it's my living situation.

Most people who know me know that I've spent the past two years living in a school dorm on campus that is like a more lame version of Hogwarts. Dorms mean lots of things I hate about school including: one bathroom, meal plans, no personal space and the general hazards of that many guys living in one small space.

This year I'm living in an on campus apartment just across the lawn from where I used to live, but you'd think it was a completely other world.

That's not my exact apartment, but I have one of the front facing ones like that-- my door is a bright green though as all the Quads are color coordinated to make them easier to find (Res Life says it's for their own usage for maps, but I personally think it's to help the drunk people get home to some degree of accuracy).

I still don't have my own room, I'm living with my friend Kal this year, but it's still a better trade off. Even if I know there are some thing he and I clash over-- everything is at a steady truce right now.

My apartment is fairly good sized considering it's my first apartment-- 2 floors, 2 full baths (one upstairs, one downstairs), 3 bedrooms (there's 5 of us total, 2 doubles and 1 single), a full kitchen, and a living room/dining room area. It's not huge but everything is fairly comfortable, it's a good size for a small home-- let alone an apartment.

Living with Kal is a bit of a challenge because he's been living alone for a long time now-- I believe he's had a single since he was a Sophomore and now during his Senior year he has to learn to share space-- sort of. He's basically claimed most of the free space in the room-- which is fine, I don't take up a lot of space, but we are in very much an Oscar and Felix situation.

I'm not exactly a neat freak about being clean, at home I'm probably the messiest person ever-- but over the past 2 years I've learned how to share space and that even a little mess makes a room seem 40 times smaller.

the three other guys are okay I guess, never really see them. Our closest neighbor is named Shane, I don't know much about him other than he's a Senior and not a douche-- sounds like a friend in my book.

The other two guys, well-- let's just say that we might have some problems when I get my eskrima sticks. I'm not sure their names, I think my rooming paper said Makai and Kevin, for the sake of not calling them obscure names that make no sense we'll stick with this. I have never seen Kevin-- if he walked into our house I'd assume he was probably lost or drunk. Makai from here on out will be disaffectionaly called douchemate. I could complain about him for hours with all the stupid shit he's done-- but you're going to hear enough about my flatmonster over the next few months so I might as well save the good stuff for later.

Let's just say I'm glad to have some time to myself right now. I'm doing the pensive writer thing and looking out over the pond watching the geese, still enjoying the last few days where it feels moderately like a New England summer. It's the kind of scene that prefaces a movie where you learn a lesson-- the scenery makes me feel more profound than I am.

It's kind of a good feeling.

2009-09-06T15:38:00.001-04:00

so now I've set my mobile up for blogging via SMS--I can now officially be annoying on loads of levels and many places at whatever time I feel!

The Wide World Exotic

2009-09-04T00:26:00.002-04:00

that was a phrase my Cinema professor used this week, "the Wide World Exotic"-- he has a penchant for using language in a way that I can never grasp on my own.

Did I mention that my professor was gay?

I think his flair for words is definitely related, at least in his case.

We were discussing what the American abroad means in movies, because it's a very common theme in a class that functions largely outside the realm of American movies, or at least movies that involve largely American motifs.

Sitting there in that class, awkwardly shifting in my chair made me realize how uncomfortable I am in myself as an American. This attitude is nothing new, but I sadly have no Patriotism to this country. I'm not sure if I've ever known what it means to be an American-- because I'm not sure there is really such a thing. In most countries, there's not as much ethnic diversity as in the US-- whereas the US is a wonderful mix of mutts. We don't really have a place to belong and the label of American more satisfies location rather than mindset-- and for some reason whenever I say this I offend lots of people.

Sorry, I guess it's one American thing I might actually subscribe to.

Stranger in a strange land, that's what we're supposed to take away from the "Yankee" traveling around in places that are generally not his home, hence the "wide world exotic" as Professor Lang phrased it.

I was then sat in class thinking about myself in that role, the American abroad trying to discover this strange lore and these queer traditions of an age old culture. It was only then that I realized I couldn't, I couldn't envision myself as this courageous adventure.

I've always wondered if Professor Lang feels this same way, having grown up in South Africa to British born parents trying to hash out a place in America. He's seen a world that I've only seen in story books, and I wonder if maybe once upon a time he sat in a desk like mine, at an age not too far from mine, wondering if maybe he didn't fit where he was any more.

Maybe some day I'll get up the courage to ask him what home means to him, but for now I'm nearly alone with this internal battle for self.

This is not my home.
I am a stranger in my homeland, I can feel the gaps growing every day from the person I'm growing up to be as compared to where I grew up.
My "home" stands in another day-- nearly 10,000 miles away from me.
My obsession is almost Napoleonic, like the way he longed for Egypt-- I long for a place where I fit.

I'm not sure if this thought terrifies me or excites me-- but I'm sure if you provided me with a scimitar I might vote for the "excites me" angle.

For Lack of a Better Title, We'll Call This "Un-"

2009-08-04T00:14:00.001-04:00

Life's funny how it works out-- that's really the long and short about it. I could go on for hours, but really everything I'd ever need to say is summarized right there in that 7 word sentence (it's not 6, the grammar nerds will tell you why that is)

There are lots of things I'd like to say, and lots of things I'd like to say to her, but she's heard them before and by now there's no new ways I can tell her what's on my mind.

I suppose all I can say is this:

6 months ago I made a decision, a big decision-- it's the decision from which every other decision since has stemmed from. 6 months ago today my life changed for the better, hell it was kind of the start of my life-- the adult concept of it, not just the sentient being kind.

6 months later she still doesn't have a ring, we don't have an announcement in any paper, we don't have the same openness that other couples do, but through it all, she's still my fiancee-- and as I've told her a million times now, that will always be enough for me.

How Can I Be Anything But Second Best to You?

2009-07-26T18:43:00.003-04:00

Warning, this blogpost may contain nostalgia, profundity, and references to obscure pop culture references-- you have been warned.

So I just recently finished Paper Towns, comparisons aside for now, John Green is now not only one of my favorite YouTubers, but he now tops the list of favorite authors.

I recommend you go buy it if you have the means to. I bought the one with sad Margo-- it's less disconcerting I think.

I suppose you can consider this my sort-of book report, but at the same time I plan to tell you nothing about the book. It's like two girls, one cup-- you get to see my reaction but never understand what I saw in it.

Sorry, I know someone probably just ewwww-ed at that.

I can't say the book was anything exceptional, not to offend it, but what I mean is that it's a book very much about real life and real people for once-- no boy wizards, sparkly vampires, or unfortunate orphans can be found amongst these pages.

and unlike most books I've read in the past 5 years, it really made me think.

High school is a weird place, anyone who has been can tell you that it was the worst time of their life, or for some-- they very few I have in my life they live with this self aggrandized glory of who they were in high school.

In the end, it was just a place where we learned, and met people: good and bad, and somewhere along the line we became young adults and left it in a very unfamiliar state than when we entered. I have very few fond memories of high school, and even fewer friends leftover after the great schism that was college...but through it all it did shape who I am and what I wanted to be.

I suppose this is where the the belated learning comes in, how a book about high school can teach me more about high school than ever being in high school ever did.

I once heard a quote that went something like: the race is long, and in the end it's only with yourself...

I suppose nothing I'm going to say from here on out is fact, just something that from my own experience has been proven to be true: results may vary, if there are even any results at all worth sharing.

I'll never accept when people say life is short now that I think about it, how can life be short, it's the longest thing you'll ever do? No rather I've found that we instead spend most of our time not living our lives preoccupied with some intangible worry about something that will probably never befall us anyway.

Don't be afraid to live your life, and I mean really live it-- do not become a spectator, because in the end of it all you want your story to be one worth telling. Strive to become a legend, even if it's only in your mind, because in the end all that matters is what you thought of you.

They did hit on a point in Paper Towns, leaving is the hardest thing you'll ever do, until you do it and then you realize that unlike ripping off a bandage you are without the same feeling of regret and remorse, but rather waiting until you can do it again.

I've left home many times now, and find that Heraclitus wasn't exactly right and neither was Thomas Wolfe-- whether it's a river or a home, you'll find that sometimes if you're lucky, you'll find that going home to a place you once knew is the only way to preserve the person you once were.

College has given me a lot of perspective, much more than I ever had bumming around Manchester, New Hampshire with my best friends-- not that college is what changed me, but rather just seeing the world from a different place has altered my concept of reality.

I've learned that you have to learn to walk out your front door, even if it scares you, because to me there is nothing scarier than finding someone who was so afraid of being afraid that they lived their lives in pathetic familiarity. Do not fear the unknown, because by doing so you are merely prolonging the inevitable. To presume we live in a world of familiarity is to truly be a man on an island.

Do what you love, even if you're bad at it, even if it kills you-- because in the end that's what life is going to do. No matter who you are or what you do, we are all going to die--no one is exempt from our impending mortality, in the end we all have the same destination. The journey is what defines who you are, because you'll find that in the very end of it, our stories are all connected in the same boring place, hell who knows-- that place might even wind up being a paper town so you might as well make your mark on the map while you're still holding on the pushpins.

That's How You'll Know My Love is Still Strong

2009-06-26T00:29:00.004-04:00

Warning, this is a sentimental blogpost so if you want to skip some of the mushy, I'd understand.

Normally these entries are open ended and directed to almost anyone, but this time not so much-- there's one person I have on my mind right now.

I know when she reads this she'll have that face on, the one that's hard to say with words, it's somewhere between laughing and crying because I know exactly how she is.

The title comes from a Plain White T's song and happens to be the exact same title I used on a Livejournal/Multiply entry right when we were just starting out-- a time that feels like a million years ago if you really think about how much we have been through during all this time.

Lately however we had fallen into some type of weird rut, nothing out of the ordinary for any couple who has been together long enough, but it's still a weird feeling. We weren't doing badly, we were doing the same old, same old that we were used to-- and that was really what became the problem.

I remember when we were just starting, everything was so new and waking up every day was exciting because there was so much we were still learning about each other, and every time I told her that I loved her it was like a spark going off-- anyone who has fallen in love heavily for the first time knows exactly those crazy lovey-dovey feelings and how much of an Oxytocin overload the whole thing is.

We've been together now nearing a year and half, and she has been my best friend for even longer, so some of the initial love feelings have faded, I wasn't surprised by this-- but it started to get to an extreme level of unsurprised behavior. She might not have noticed it, I guess because I didn't until recently.

I got too comfortable with her, and I don't mean in that understanding sense, but as in I started pushing aside things, and stopped doing things altogether. I used to be a romantic guy, and I'm not saying that stopped it just became something completely different. We used to celebrate every Tuesday, it happens to be the day we got together-- it was a Tuesday and I had a class to go to, and I'll never know what we learned that day. I'm not saying that we should do that now, it's a little crazy to celebrate every week now, but the idea is still there.

Even just this month I found myself pushing aside special days, and not for any reason that I can think of that is logical. Each month we celebrate the 4th and the 29th-- just because we do have that sentimental streak. I however started putting less and less stock in those days because I started to get busy with my own things. Once again, none of this seems like a huge deal-- but the small things that come from it are what change it.

I stopped doing so much because somewhere along the way my comfort level with her turned into general expectation. What did it matter if I wasn't spontaneously saying I love you like I used too, she still knows right? Maybe I wasn't making as big a deal of a anniversaries, she must still know how important those days are, right? If I don't compliment something, she has to still understand that I care, right?

It's true that all these are a yes, but it doesn't mean that I shouldn't remind her every day how important she is to me. Of all the things that can get tiresome, telling her all these lovey-dovey romantic things are not on of them. I could tell her that I loved her every 10 minutes and it would never lack value each time. But the fact is that I should remember to tell her these things because just assuming she knows things is different than taking the time to make sure she knows these things.

Last night was our turning point again, whatever it was, and I'm not sure helped really bring those feelings back like how it used to be when we were getting together, just with more familiarity. I was listening to our songs again, and we have a lot. I was remembering all those times pre-coupledom where I was doing idiotic things around her, just because I was falling that hard. Out of my least suave moments we'll both cite the time she gave me her phone number and I got so excited that I closed our chat window long before I learned the joys of auto-log-- needless to say I spent the next hour pressing ctrl+z after she went to bed in hopes that by some weird chance of fate it would work.

It didn't.

12 hours later she comes to me with a thinly veiled sadness asking why I didn't text her awake, and I had to put my tail between my legs and admit my stupidity. She made fun of me, but not in that mean way-- in that teasing way that was a little too friendly for siblings, but that's what we were hiding behind-- the brother-sister relationship that's ironic.

It's the moments like that I can't forget, no matter how redundant they get-- I don't want to lose the awkwardness of 18 year old Pax who was in love with his best friend to 20 year old Pax whose fiancee is his best friend.

So in the most long winded way I can say to people is this-- if you have someone you love, make sure to tell them that, really it will make all the difference in the world. And to the gorgeous who might just have tears welling in her eyes by now-- did you know I love you so so so soooooooooo much? because if you didn't, just know that I do-- so so sooooooooo much and more than words can say.

Life is What Happens To You While You're Busy Making Other Plans

2009-06-08T02:16:00.004-04:00

I've been thinking a lot lately, and we all know what this means when I start thinking-- it's either going to be insane, or actually be profound and we'll all be shocked that I've said it.

It's odd how seeing a Disney/Pixar film can still have this effect on me even at my newly acquired 20 years of age.

Life is a funny thing, partially because it's the only thing we really all have in common, we will live our lives and then we'll become part of the history we all struggle to remember as soon as it passes us.

I don't intend to spoil the movie I saw today, but I'd like to reiterate to message in my own words, and in my own interpretations, just because I can-- and that's the wonderful power of free speech.

When we're young, we all have preconceived notions about what we want to be when we grow up, the types of lives we want to live, even if in the smallest fraction of full picture. The question has been asked to almost any child of speaking age-- "what do you want to be when you grow up?". The answers are as honest as you can get, nothing is tainted by the outside world yet.

When I was only 18, and a new (not to mention terrified) college freshman, I worked as an inner city tutor in a school where, for the first time in a long time, I was the minority. I found myself asking these same questions to these kids "what do you want to be when you grow up?" as if these children who could barely tie their shoes really knew. It was only then why I realized that adults even ask that question at all, call it a moment of maturity creeping into my life. We don't necessarily ask to find out the answers, which sounds like ignorance, but it's not but rather is something much more profound.

We ask these questions because it's the reaction that makes it all worth it, seeing the pure unadulterated look of joy from a child who thinks they know what they want. They have grand dreams of who and what the want to be-- even if the answer is completely generic through the ages. Some kids want to be firefighters, ballerinas, even just something as simple as parents-- I had never met a child who wanted to be an accountant or work at the mall for minimum wage.

I'm not sure how along the way we've let these dreams die-- or at least for some of us, I myself am very lucky. To digress for a moment, I am proud to say that I am growing up to be just what I always was-- I get to spend the whole rest of my life telling stories about my imaginary friends, but you might just call me a writer.

No matter who we become, we can all recall back to a time when we were still becoming ourselves, dressing up and playing pretend-- even if it meant defying logic sometimes, deep down it mirrored a real desire. To still a coin termed from Up I suppose we all have our own "My Adventure Books", even if they are metaphorical.

In this life we fight so hard to complete these adventures, no matter how big or small they may be, even if we never accomplish them it's part of keeping that dream alive. It's ironic how as children we're told to "shoot for the stars" and then as soon as we get old enough we're told "not to get our hopes up", and so as time goes on we slowly place these dreams into more productive avenues even if it means sacrificing happiness along the way in some cases.

What I've realized though is that it's not about accomplishing your dreams, or even achieving all your goals, but instead it's about not forgetting the type of ambition you once had and using it to fuel your future passions. It's not about the type of journey you take, it's about the people you meet along the way. You might never explore the deep jungles of South America, you will probably never land on the moon, and you will certainly not live forever-- but that doesn't mean you can't live every day like it is just that exciting. It's not about the things you've never done, or the things you could have done only if variables X,Y, and Z worked impossibly in your favor-- rather it's about finding that path in life that brings you the same childlike joy you once felt and never looking back with bitterness about what could have been.

Now all I'm wondering is:

has all this introspective thinking earned me my "Self-Realization" Wilderness Explorer badge.

Won't You Let Me Go Down in My Dreams

2009-06-06T01:54:00.005-04:00

I can't sleep, and for once I don't care.

I'm not sure how to ever eloquently say this, I guess there will never be the words that make the most sense and say what I need to-- but that's not going to stop me from trying.

I can never say enough how important my mother is to me, and I never will get enough of that. As I get older my appreciation for her seems to grow infinitely more, which for those of you who know the relationship I have with my mom, it seems impossible to find more respect for that amazing woman.

I am very much a momma's boy-- I'm not ashamed of that because if anything my mother taught me it was that I am much more independent than I have ever given myself credit for.

I rarely want to call myself a man, it feels weird, but for this realization alone I'll throw aside my cringing.

I am a better man because of my mother, she raised me to be everything I am today-- without her Pax as he stands today would not exist.

My 20th birthday is on Sunday and everyone is making it wrongly about me, it's not about me-- that day was never about me.

My birth was unconventional at best, and I wonder now how my mother coped as well as she did, 27 and a mother for the first time dealing with things that most parents should never have to deal with-- ironically probably lying sleepless in much the same manner, just 20 years in the past.

I was born almost exactly 2 months premature, which means that I live now with a whole host of problems that make every day a struggle, but my mom never gave up to give me a better life-- never gave up wanting me to seem like every normal kid.

Now I don't know about you, but I think she did a pretty damn good job at putting the puzzle pieces together again and she does it all thanklessly.

The only thing she ever complains about now is that the only thing to watch on TV was the Tiananmen Square massacres and how no matter how many channels she cycled through she was stuck with the same thing. It seems ominous to watch tanks rumble towards the Forbidden City while waiting for your son to be born, it sounds like a good metaphor-- but doesn't seem to favor me much.

Everyone is so busy celebrating me, no one takes time to slow down and think about my mom who was expecting her first son to be born in August. I never quite made it, I guess being a Leo never suited me.

On Sunday the tradition will repeat, my mom will wake me up with presents and usher me down to the table, hovering like the momma bear she is as she waits for the reactions to my gifts. This day won't be about her, most people will forget her role in it at all.

She won't know that while I'm blowing out my candles, and failing to do so-- I'll be thinking of all those things I failed miserably at, and yet she still supported. All those swimming lessons where I was just too ADD to learn, all the baseball games where I got hit by the ball more than actually hitting it back, and even the driver's education class I begged to be in-- 4 years later she is still driving me around due to what she would call my "not so epic win", she can't bring herself to ever call me an epic fail.

She won't know that while she's watching me unwrap my gifts I'll be too busy thinking about how while we didn't always have everything, she somehow managed to make us feel like we were lacking nothing.

While she's watching my dad hopeless hack up my birthday cake, she doesn't know that I'm thinking of every time she played the "good mom card" and suffered through all my food experiments while I was learning to cook-- including the undercooked pizza, the solid cake (I'm still not sure how it was that solid), or the grease fire I started in our toaster which she just brushed off with ease only a mom can muster.

There's a joke she used to tell me when life would be unfair that went something like "you can be three things in this life: rich, handsome, and intelligent-- and God made you handsome and intelligent, it's a shame"-- even though I know she's lying, she never took into account the fourth thing I am...

Lucky.

So while everyone else is wishing me a Happy Birthday for effortlessly surviving another year, I'll be thinking yet again of another way to thank her-- and maybe, just maybe the next 365 days will help me come to a better conclusion.

Something Vaguely Inspired By Light Blue Circles

2009-05-15T20:04:00.006-04:00

Usually I start my blog posts with a hint of witticism and sardonics but today's post is not for that-- this time I really have something to say.

Recently I've discussed ideologies a lot, mainly religion and all things related to that. Most people who have talked to me for more than ten minutes know a little bit about my religious upbringing, since it doesn't take someone too long to be caught up on the lack thereof an organized belief structure.

The question has been coming up a lot lately, the one that has always haunted me in conversations, I almost feel like I suffer an ignorance for never choosing a firm belief.

I've realized now it doesn't matter.

I'm in no way saying that beliefs don't matter, they do, and very much so. In the history of human life on the planet beliefs seem to be the most constant thing. People live and die for these beliefs, they build their lives on them, fight wars for them and defend their stand on this Earth for the sake of what they believe-- so yes, belief is important.

I don't believe you even necessarily have to believe anything, I wouldn't ask that, I don't care if what you believe is completely insane-- but what I just hope is that people learn to question what they believe.

Question does not always mean to doubt, and I don't ask you to ever doubt what you believe, rather question what you believe to reinforce your conviction. Beliefs shouldn't be black and white, you should be willing to accept the changes in the world around you-- but don't let your convictions be dulled by misunderstanding, make sure what you believe is truly what you wish to believe and that should be what matters.

It seems like lately the discussions have been so pointed, the blame always has to be cast upon people for some reason. The staunchly religious are castigated for all the people who are deemed as crazy who have faith, and perfectly good people are punished for not believing in God by those who do.

Once upon a time science was something that we used to castigate with religion, labeling those people as heretics, and now we're seeing quite the opposite-- science is being used to discredit religion. If you can see this irony, I really appreciate your thought process, and if you don't-- damn, I'm alone.

I had this discussion with my fiancee the other day, and it was only when I looked it over that I actually felt like I'd finally unearthed that part of me-- so I'll share an amended version of what I had said to her.

"Religious" is a weird description for me because people aren't a religion, they just have one and you shouldn't be labeled by something like that. It's superficial to say someone is religious because there's so much more to content of character. I think atheists are just as crazy as anyone with a theism because it's just as stupid as labeling someone by race or ethnicity, just believe in what you believe and let that be enough. By classifying someone as their religion you're just not getting to which know them-- it shouldn't be what defines the type of reactions or personality traits you have. it's just one of those things about you that is part of you. I don't like those debates either solely because everything is a little crazy--plus, I like to tell people that sometimes crazy works. Did you know that the common bumblebee can't aerodynamically fly? it defies all the logic of physics, they've used science time and time again and found no logical explanation. In this case, the bumblebee doesn't know it can't fly so it just keeps going. I feel like faith in anything is like the bumblebee, you just have to believe it works and don't let people tell you otherwise. People are so quick to blanket these terms and I just think it doesn't matter if you have a religion or not. I will respect if you do because you see the things in life that I can't yet, because lord knows science has been wrong before and will continue to be wrong. We basically know nothing, the whole world is one giant discovery in the making so in the meantime all you should be is yourself, whatever that is. It doesn't matter what the people before you have done, or what people like you do and will do-- just be a good person, be a humanist and let nothing else matter.

My name is Edward James Paxton, I think that sometimes there are things that neither science or religion can explain-- I believe the bumblebee has the right idea, I'm an Agnostic Humanist-- what are you?

I Might Not Party Like Asher Roth, But I Still Love College (BEDA #20)

2009-04-21T23:37:00.004-04:00

Today is the day where Pax does nothing for BEDA besides share some of his screenplay...so let's go.

**I can share none of the context or much of the backstory because it's still a WIP, but try and enjoy if you can**

METT (V.O.)
In a weird way it’s like starting over again. Like Kindergarten. None of us know each other, but we’re expected to make friends without the help of mommy or daddy for the first time...just all over again, and with more alcohol and swearing.

Mett props his feet up slightly on the empty chair in front of him and continues to scan the room. He soon makes eye contact with Isabella who sees him. In a panic he quickly looks down.

Isabella walks over to their row and motions to the empty seat still beside Mett.

ISABELLA
So we meet again, gayer version of Matt.

Mett chuckles and sits up slightly.

METT
It’s...

ISABELLA
Mett, I know, I remember.

Mett smiles and nods.

-------------------------------
METT (V.O.)
I don’t remember much of Dean Chambers speech. Partially because he talked a lot of bullshit, and partially because all I could focus on was the girl next to me who smelled like strawberries.

Mett looks over at her again quickly, once again looking away when she catches his eye.

METT (V.O.) (CONT’D)
And she probably thinks I’m some creepy stalker by now.

When he looks over again he notices she has looked away from him in much the same manner.

He smiles a happy, crooked smile and props his chin on his hand.

METT (V.O.) (CONT’D)
Or maybe not.

--------------------------------------------------

METT (V.O.)
I’m tempted to call him Louis, but I don’t think he’ll get the reference.
--------------------------------------------------
METT (CONT’D)
My iPod just decided to call it quits.

Paul frowns understandingly.

METT (V.O.) (CONT’D)
It’s sad how the teen population views technological tragedy to just as crushing as something that well, actually matters.
---------------------------------------------------

METT (CONT’D)
I’m Mett

Isabella takes his hand slowly.

ISABELLA
Matt?

Mett laughs nervously

METT
No, Mett-- M-E-T-T... Mett.

Isabella eyes his name tag for a moment and then nods in understanding.

ISABELLA
So then like Matt, only gayer.

Mett stares blankly at the girl, realizing she doesn’t look like she’s kidding.

METT
Yeah...it’s a little something like that.

**did anyone notice the catchphrase to Paxomania thrown in there? if you did... I hartz you, very few people know this is where that came from, even before it was written.**

------------------------------------------------------

The sound of the door can be heard as Mett is standing in his now noticeably empty room. The sound of his parents’ dialogue can be heard fading down the hall.

METT (V.O.)
I can still remember now what it felt like the day they left, I don’t ever even think I told them, but I cried.

Mett wipes his eyes and sniffs

METT (CONT’D)
But only a little...

**based on actual Paxist behavior**
-------------------------------------------------------

KRISTEN
TTYL.

She waves happily and walks away as Mett waves back stupidly.

METT (V.O.)
I’m not exactly sure what I’ve gotten myself into.

Mett stands from his chair, removing his iPod from his pocket and placing the earbuds in his ears. He grabs his plates and slowly follows the path that Kristen had taken to leave.

[”Why Can’t We Be Friends”-WAR plays softly on his iPod]

He looks back at Isabella who is now talking animatedly to a guy who is standing at the end of her table. Shaking his head he turns the volume up.

METT (V.O.) (CONT’D)
Damnit. How the hell do I even have this song?
---------------------------------------------------------

The rest should be done this weekend, so look out for it in a few weeks after that

**I can't share it until it has been graded, but I promise when it has you guys can see it**

Insert Romeo and Juliet Pun (BEDA #19)

2009-04-20T23:28:00.005-04:00

Happy 4-20...I don't give a fuck hahaha

Today is my DGAF day, so if I punt a fetus in the middle of this, don't get offended, I need a nap-- or possibly a clone (I can has Pax.2?)

I guess until I get a .2 I have to do this...

muddafecker...

So in lieu of having a witty song title, I have actually brought my never favorite cover to share.

And before you ask, I think Taylor Swift is an unattractive hack-- but the lyrics were pretty good, so I'm not complaining, I just think country= incest...and not even the good kind =P

Blaaaaaaa...what else?

It rained today, I have done some iLife work, and cast my Mett Grey.

Perfect...right?

I'm still trying to cast the perfect Isabella, but it's coming slowly.

Spring Fling is this week (see related: my friends are douches)...we get to see N.E.R.D... not as fun as normal Nerds, but just as cool.

Riddle for guys:

what's got 4 letters and 6 figures:

a nerd...

Not really a riddle I just lawled because someone told me that and why I should be proud of being a nerd...

I am not only proud, I am Nerdfighter proud.

Blaaaaaaa... Nerdfighters... today being 4-20... we can has EBO? si o no?

also I'm still reading Paper Towns (and getting food all in it, I have sad Margo and she's sad because she's covered in bit of egg and mayo)

And now I'm done...

*punts baby*

Looking for BEDAs #17 and #18 (the first fail of the BEDA experience)

2009-04-19T21:30:00.004-04:00

My fiancee is psychic--

we had been joking a few nights ago about how I would be busy for BEDA #17 and therefore was going to be titled "This is May, Pax is busy (BEDA #17)-- well let's just say in hindsight--

Pax was busy on BEDA 17 and therefore did not post his BEDA because he was...distracted.

If you follow me on Plurk, you know I was in an off mood-- and off mood being that my mind had checked out for the night.

If you don't believe me-- then you should believe the couple who can be quoted as respectively saying:

"I'm sure larer we'll lawls at how wrng this is...but reight now I can't even see the keys ket aklone understand what I'm typing... sorry love...this makes no sense at all... " (the wonders of when Pax is tired)

"but hopefulyy we'll both get the sleep we need..." (where May makes up words that are so close, yet so far)

I didn't forget to BEDA so much is that I was far too mentally intoxicated to post, that's the sign of true love-- you make each other drunk without even trying (I'm sure this is borne from some cheesy pickup line, which is why to me it came off ang cheesy)

I also don't really have much to post today, because today was merely me recovering from a night like last night...

I swear I wasn't drunk-- I'm just that retarded when my mind is on a million things that it shouldn't be.

I believe someone regretfully said horny, and I lawled--for anyone who knows why I lawled... then congratulations, you know how Pax is and how Pax isn't, you win a prize.

and now time for food...

Fritos, TaB, and Mountain Dew= My Dream Date (BEDA #16)

2009-04-17T21:56:00.015-04:00

I almost forgot to BEDA today, so this is already starting off as a fail-- I don't even have a catchy song... no...wait, I'll come up with one now

There... tada... catchy song title...

*I know that 90% of the nerds probably just jizzed themselves, sorry...after all, WWJCD?*

So you know the drill-- name the song, or the artist, or if you're a nerd, feel free to just jizz yourself because you're not fooling anyone anyways.

Today was one of those really nerdy days, which is nothing new-- everyday in the life of Pax is a nerdy day. Today however was the nerdiest of them all, at least in a long time because I can't say today was my nerdiest day... just the one with the most nerd frequency.

Outside was the highlight of Greek Week, their semi-Greek games was today meaning that anyone who was anyone was outside watching the festivities-- I was holed up in my room listening to the music and reading, because that's about how involved I wanted to be [/socially_awkward:true]

So while anyone who was anyone was outside dancing to Poker Face, I was in the shitty dining hall...hooray for substandard food and the smell of bleach everywhere.

Okay, so the food isn't really that bad, but when you're born and bred of 18 solid years of your mum's cooking, 4 semesters with college food is bound to change your taste buds a little bit. I have eaten things that I didn't even know existed (delicious Seafood Newburg for the win) and I have eaten things that I'm sure could have eaten me back once upon a time (I think it was a burrito, but one can never be too sure...)

Today since it was basically dead I settled for a home favorite: hard boiled egg sandwich with mayo (like an egg salad sandwich basically, minus anything that makes it seasoned or salad like).

It was only when I looked around that I realized the dining hall was full with other people who were basically stereotypically in the same circle as me. Let's face it, I hate to label nerds, but we all know (especially nerds, geeks, and dorks) when we see one of our own kind.

There was maybe 10 of us (in an establishment that seats several hundred) and everybody I looked at had some of the more iconic geek traits.

We all know what these means:
glasses.
video game consoles.
books.
braces.
strange food choices.
graphic/themed t-shirts that amplify the nerdiness.

Even I was an offender today with my weird egg on wheat sandwich (I thought it was tasty, but was poorly crafted and looked stepped on), I had on my glasses, my hearing aids were on blast, I was toggling between my phone and my PSP, and I was mopping food particles of my copy of Paper Towns, while wearing an officially licensed Harry Potter Chudley Cannons shirt.

And it was in that moment that I just smiled and kept reading.

I love being a nerd/geek/dork, and I love being around them because they are unintrusive to personal space.

Unless we are counting glompage...and then yes... gnorks love to glomp because we just can't hug, we must politely body rape you with the equivalent of an "XD" face on.

also being a gnork allows me to enjoy this stuff... which I will share with you now.

Nerdiness for the win

Disclaimer though: these churches are not really places, no worries-- your children will not be raped at church (with at least 70% certainty)...

and that ladies and gents is why I'm going to hell =P

They used to call us names now they want our autograph...(BEDA #15)

2009-04-16T22:44:00.004-04:00

The lyric above was from one of my favorite songs in middle school-- you could call it one of the Pax essential songs for understanding my childhood, and it's a less severe motto that I live by now.

I'm not as elitist as I was at 13, but I'm still proud to be who I am, which is really the most I learned in school at that age anyways.

I'm going to cheat a little and give you a hint to the song because it's by this same band, and this song has been stuck in my head too

I actually used to think the above song was going to be the result of all my relationships-- because I used to be a cynic and a super geek (which should be a testament to how much I have improved)

I actually found a notebook when I was home last that had a very angrily scribbled lyric from the above song-- when I get home next I'll have to scan it so everyone can laugh at how dramatic I was when I was 12 and 13.

Today I'll give it one last try
and then I know I'll wonder why
I did it to myself once again
I saw your boyfriend he's 6'3"
Quarterback on varsity
the football players love to torture me
So I'm feeling like I'm not fitting in
I know that I'm not fitting in with you
And your stuck-up friends
I GET THE POINT

I look back now and laugh a little at the kid I was, I'm not so much different now but I think I've learned from a lot of my immaturity at that time-- also I've stopped going to Good Charlotte shows as well, which might have improved some of it.

To explain to all the younger people-- Good Charlotte was like a more badass version of the Jonas Brothers (albeit not the best comparison, but you get the point). They were on every poster, and t-shirt, and button, and had CDs dropping-- and then they kind of faded into oblivion.

If anything I can see this happening to the Jonas Brothers in two years, so don't be shocked by this-- the stereotypes you lead only last so long. In this case it was as soon as those 14 year old "rebellious" Good Charlotte fans realized that there's no sense in bitching and moaning about the kids who used to pick on you in high school when you're 25 years old.

I've been thinking a lot about high school lately which isn't so ironic-- however what is ironic is the frequency that high school appears in the music industry.

It gets hailed as the best time of your life/the worst time of your life depending on who you ask and I've realized now that I'm 2 years out of high school-- it's not really either.

I don't have much fond nostalgia about high school, but if you ask my best friend Ace he'll tell you about the parties he went to or the girls he slept with.

and I can tell you...

well I can tell you...

*thinks*...

I can tell you what was on TV, what books I read, what movies I saw, the concerts I went to, and I can tell you about how every day after I got my college acceptance letter I slowly went insane stuck in this weird hell hole. I can give no good advice for people who are in high school, I didn't survive it any better than most-- in fact I had a nervous break down sometime in Spring of 2007 and had to visit an in-school therapist who believed the best treatment for me was going to be behavior modifier drugs.

Needless to say I didn't listen to the offer to be medicated and realized there was one sure fire cure for what was going wrong.

College...

really, that was all it took... heading out to college stabilized me.

Getting away from my friends and family and the kids who tripped me in the halls, cheated off my tests, and threw things at me... basically they fixed every mental flaw.

I started reading this week and found that John Green has helped me find some of that old school nostalgia for times gone by, even if it's a little forced-- it makes me feel good to think that high school was something worth remembering and writing about.

Some people say they see themselves in Colin Singleton or Margo Roth Spiegelman...

I'm more a Q Jacobsen...and that's going to always be enough for me...

DFTBA guys...

and also, one more song-- just for nostalgia's sake...

^this was everything good I remember about high school. I wouldn't trade it for anything better.

Find Your Identity Soon and Let the Channel Change You (BEDA #14)

2009-04-15T22:35:00.004-04:00

Not gonna lie, as I started this "I'll Make Love To You" started playing and I'm lawling my ass off at that.

For anyone who knew me in October/November 2007 know that sometimes I was a bit of a drunken naked panda...

For anyone who didn't know me then... be thankful that I don't do that anymore, because I can't remember a good 4 month span...aspartame...it'll fuck you up...

You know the drill by now, the song is a title... rather scratch that and reverse it-- the title is a song and Pax is a little tired after a weird day.

Today isn't even really my busy day it's just weird and spread so much that I get too much of a lag in my day. Computers, Chem, and Cinema-- I just realized now that Wednesday's classes all begin with C, I think it makes me a nerd that I'm amused by that.

I never remember my ComSci class because it's before my brain is awake, my brain usually wakes up sometime after the class has ended and I'm usually halfway through my breakfast by the time I've realized my feet have brought me someplace to get food. And as for the other two classes-- eh... that's about all I have to say about that.

But as usual... my disclaimer:

College is really awesome-- blah blah blah blah apply and do your best and don't do drugs... good enough for you?

This week I'm really not feeling my BEDA, I'm sorry guys, it's just that school has been so crazy and I feel like I'm running on less than empty.

Hopefully this weekend will yield something other than me being unceremoniously passed out on a pile of school books-- which yes, I have done several occasions this week... it's a sad nerdy reality when you wake up with notebook spirals pressed into your forehead.

However to steal a cue from the fiveawesomegirls: today is awesome because I had White Castle...

and yes as in Harold and Kumar go to... not as in "I have an austere household that is colored in white".

Alright, so they were microwaveable because the nearest White Castle establishment is over an hour away, but even still these freezer burgers taste like the real thing (which I've only had twice), and they were the same size and cheaper than the regular White Castle sliders-- we'll call this the win for the day.

Today is however now awesome because it is Greek Week-- which is some type of fraternity/sorority thing were, well to be honest I'm not really sure what happens but for some reason it gives the frat guys to be even bigger jerks.

I'm going to make the disclaimer now that not all frats guys or sorority girls are like this, but it just so happens that these kids come from a different background that I was used to and therefore are only in fraternities for the sake of once again establishing a status quo where people are meant to feel inadequate. In most cases I respect fraternities for what they are intended for, but if it's for girls, drinking, and ridiculous hazing-- no thank you.

Anyways, Greek Week here is basically an excuse to see backwards hats, polo shirts, pucca shell necklaces, and sandals everywhere you look-- and the jock mentality has come back full force. I had some guy in a Sigma Nu shirt run up past me and basically scattered all my Dante materials everywhere and screamed
"GREEK WEEK MOTHERFUCKERS!" and high fived some guy in a likewise purple Sigma Nu shirt who then made the oral sex gesture at me and walked off...

College sometimes sucks too kids, keep in mind that sometimes you can just get a job out of high school and be just as well adjusted...

^these are actually lies, I'm partially joking-- just not about the frat guy, just hopefully you get into a school where douchebags don't run amuck.

So yes, now I'm getting ADD because my YM is blipping orange at me like crazy so... yeah, going to go deal with my "fans" =P

BEDA #13--Pax broke his laptop...

2009-04-14T22:01:00.001-04:00

So this is short...I'll explain later...I'm a dumbass...damnit

What's Your Sign? Hey, I Think You Know A Friend of Mine... (BEDA #12)

2009-04-13T19:08:00.005-04:00

I'm running late on my BEDA today because I am ADD and not exactly in the mood to be descriptive and awesome, but I'm going to try... bleh...

The title is a song lyric, and so easy at that... in fact-- if you get it wrong I will be tempted to eat your face... quite violently out of rage, anger, and boredom...

Today's blog is a bit more of a bloggy like blog than my other blogs because my bloggy brain is all blogged out for right now (6 words with the root of blog, beat that hahaha)

I was supposed to do work today... I said it over and over again that I was supposed to do work today... I was terribly busy and had a lot of work to do-- it was supposed to take all day and I was just really busy with it all, I had it all planned.

I spent the day eating M&Ms...

I probably have diabetes now with how many M&Ms I have ingested

^ this is what college looks like-- it is not glamorous at all, it is not freedom, I am itchy, I have a stye, and I want someone to make me a sandwich [/whining]

But here's my disclaimer bit:

Kids... college is awesome...you should go... it's fun and you make a lot of friends! *cheesy lie smile*...

Fucking college... hahaha

Today wasn't all bad though, I just don't remember why it is awesome now because I'm waiting for my second wind and this is not it.

I guess today is awesome because I have a stye, but not because I'm a peeping tom-- so whooooooooooo for purity (ish). (if you're not Filipino, you probably didn't get that... my bad)

I'm supposed to be watching an Indian movie right now, but right now I just want to curl up and sleep, but when I've actually watched it I'll tell you how it is-- which I'm hoping the answer is fantastic or I might just give up for a bit.

I guess here is where I can dispense my college-ly advice...

just because something is cheap does not mean it is edible...

That burrito I had tasted like a sock, so I'm really just coping with that.

And then my Windows shuffle reminds me why everything is awesome...way to go shuffle, I was trying to complain and be emo-z... curse you.

I guess I'm going to go be lame now and watch Enchanted while I try and get my work done because I'm just about that lucky, and I don't want to ever forget that fact.

^This one's for you and me love...mahal kita

Just for this once I'll settle for being Robert =P

Shot Right Through Like a Bolt of Blue (BEDA #11)

2009-04-12T18:42:00.004-04:00

So last night I had some really good inspiration for a BEDA, it was fantastic and I remember thinking to myself that tomorrow (AKA today's today) was going to be an amazing day to write. In short I was pumped, I even said to May that I was pumped to be inspired to right.

I also have a short-term memory problem, so well... cock it-- I forgot how to make it sound intelligent so now you're stuck with the brain goo that is Pax...

Name that tune time, you know the drill-- what's the above song, and to up the ante some more, do you know which video game it was featured in?

Probably not to be honest, and I think by now I do this more for my personal amusement of being witty than making it a game for you guys.

Today is Easter Sunday and in lieu of religious inspiration, I'm at least feeling creatively inspired today, which for a writer is about the same thing as Jesus rising from the dead [/sacrilegious]

So before I get shunned as a non believer... moving on...

I'm working on 3 stories now outside of iLife (which iLife news to follow, FYI)--

All three are untitled at the moment so you'll have to bear with me but here it goes:

I'm working on a modern adaptation of Dante's Divine Comedy, it's loosely based on it however and is merely just the main plot inspiring factor to it versus anything that resembles the classics of Dante. All I have right now is that it's set in high school-- which is enough to damn a movie, I know-- but I want to give this a shot.

After a very weird dream I had today I'm also working on a semi-fictionalized account of a Boston University archaeological dig that was conducted in 1900 in Jerusalem. (The event is real, I've been doing research all day to piece together my dream, that things that happened are what is fictionalized) (this will probably wind up as a shot story before anything else)

and I'm working on a screenplay/novel that was inspired by the 2006 Mark Reyes film, Eternity, if you've never heard of it then you are probably not Filipino and therefore I'm not shocked-- if you have heard of it, well that's that.

However with all these new ideas coming through, I have to say that iLife is becoming more and more of a burden-- I mean, I love it and everything but it feels more like a requirement now than something I was doing creatively.

iLife is due on April 30th, and I have 120 pages to write-- which isn't so bad in screenwriting language since 1 page is a little under a minute of dialogue, action, and staging-- but it's just sitting down and getting organized to write that has me going mental.

In short, wish me luck-- I need it muchly...

Also if you have any songs you'd like to suggest for my iLife plot, get back to me however you think most fit because I'm always looking for inspiring songs and at the very least if I can't fit a song in, I find one like it to capture the same mood.

Yes, I'm well aware I sound crazy to any non-writer, and to any writer you know that being a writer is basically like playing with an imaginary friend all day-- it's their story to tell, you're just the one telling it...

I swear I'm not mental *twitches*

This also takes me to my last pointless point of the day, but I've been asked this in a few places now so I'm just going to answer it:

Yes, I will hopefully be taking part in NaNoWriMo this year, but if I don't, don't hold it against me...

Honestly, my career is already writing, do you know how unrefreshing it is to tuck in after a day of writing and drafting a story, just to write and draft another? hahaha

So now that I've wasted more time writing something that is not for my school work, I should probably at least pretend to get on that-- I might just think of my dream some more because well, I'm Pax...but at least I'm fun *beams*

Stay tuned for tomorrows inspirational post about labels, and if all else fails I'll probably talk about something else entirely like mustard, unicorns, or post-it notes

Soup or Something Like It...

2009-04-12T00:02:00.003-04:00

I DON'T HAVE A RELIGION, so I MUST not have morals.
I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.
I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.
I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naive.
I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth.
I'm ALWAYS SMILING AND LAUGHING, so I MUST have a great life.
I'm INTO THEATRE & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.
I HANG OUT WITH GAYS, so I MUST be GAY TOO.
I'm a VIRGIN, so I MUST be prude.
I'm SHORT, so I must be a MIDGET
I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be gay.
I don't like to be in a BIG GROUP, so I MUST be anti-social.
I have a DIFFERENT sense of HUMOR, so I MUST be crazy.
I am AMERICAN so I MUST be an obese, loud-mouthed and arrogant.
I’m WHITE, so I MUST be responsible for everything going wrong on the planet.
I don't like YAOI or YURI, so I must be a HOMOPHOBE.
I like READING, so I MUST be a LONER.
I DISAGREE with my government, so I MUST be a TERRORIST.

I'm a PERSON, so I MUST be LABELED

...Wait...no...that's not right...

So Much For Headaches and Bad Luck Not Touching Me (BEDA #10)

2009-04-11T15:14:00.009-04:00

Hello and welcome to another edition of "Pax Rambles About Nothing"-- I'm your host for this evening, Pax.

You know the drill by now, the song title is usually related to both my mood and is somehow adapted from a song, so here's the typical game of name that tune: What song am I listening to, or at the very least what band sings a song with some of these lyrics? (remember, it's like horseshoes, as long as you're close I'm not going to beam you with a horse shoe... at least I think that's how that goes...)

*sighs* Sometimes I wish I had epic intro music for things like this, but alas I do not.

Even if it's almost 3:30 in the afternoon I am in short feeling pretty god awful lazy and just want to go back to bed. Saturdays and myself are not friends, we're more like family-- I love Saturdays, but I don't always like them and sometimes want to slam the door in their face when they show up unexpectedly.

On another side note... I miss my fiancee today... *sad face*

I understand that it's Easter weekend and everything and I'm not meaning to be selfish, I know she needs to spend time with her family (and one of us needs to guarantee we're not going to hell), but it's still weird ending my nights without her and starting my mornings without her for now.

Mahal kita...

At least in her absence I've found a myriad of nerdy things to stimulate my mind for now, even if they are a little mindless within themselves.

I recently discovered Omegle through a mixture of 4Chan archives, YouTuber (mainly Alex Day AKA Nerimon), and fmylife.com

Basically the premise of Omegle is that you are completely anonymous, as is the person you are talking to you (so anonymous that it says "You" and "Stranger" when you are talking.

My mom always told me not to talk to strangers, but she never said anything about messing with them...

So basically this is what happens when Anonymous is allowed to have free reign on the Internet: Lucinda, Old Gregg references, and bestiality.

I've also been playing a lot of Street Fighter Alpha (designed for PS1 on my PSP) so far, and I have to say one thing about it.

Every time I hit Chun-Li, a little part of my soul dies...

...can't say the same for my special bar though...

But really, that's the one thing I never understood about Street Fighter is that it is one of the only fighting games from that time that had gender equality, but I'm not so sure that's a good thing...

There are only two female characters in the game, Chun-Li and Rose, and the rest are male.

And mind you, I understand that it's a game, but that doesn't mean I feel alright each time Ryu kicks Chun-Li in the face, it's probably as close as I'll ever get to domestic abuse.

It might really just be me, but I'm curious to ask you guys-- how do you feel about male characters hitting female characters in games, and this isn't the only game in which you can do that (ex. Grand Theft Auto, Tekken, Mortal Kombat, etc.). I don't think I'd have a problem with it were it not for the fact that some of these games are in fact games designed for all ages-- do you think kids would get the wrong message, or do you think it's just a game?

I'm not trying to be a game Nazi, I enjoy my video game violence just as much as the next Mountain Dew fueled game fiend, but I'd be curious is anyone else saw any controversy or need to add a warning to these games.

Speaking of game violence, for those of you who want to beat people up and not have to life a finger, you might enjoy My Brute, I'm on there as Paxomaniac (which no one is probably surprised about).

Basically you just name and design a character, and then watch it fight someone else's character-- you don't even have to life a finger, it's like watching cock (I know, teehee, cock...moving on...) fights, but instead it's little animated midgets fighting with melee weapons (or in my case, shurikens and battle axe for the win)

However if you're really in the mood you can play something a little more stimulating, the only catch is that it doesn't have random violence (boo!)...

But wait vaguely familiar internal monologue-- it helps a good cause.

Free Rice is a website sponsored by the United Nations and basically all you do is answer trivia questions to help supply impoverished areas with rice.

1 question right is 10 grains of rice...so basically after 10 questions you have donated a whole bowl of rice.

The best part is that if you get the question wrong you don't lose rice, but rather you are given the answer and the question will come up later for you to answer and you get another change to earn rice and learn something new.

The best part is that not only is it entertaining, but it helps you learn things and study topics, and on top of that it's helping people around the world with a simple click of the mouse.

No offense, but I think that's a reward that World of Warcraft can't bring you.

You can also choose different topics to be quizzed in which are:

(^this was taken directly from the website)

My thought is that you're already online, what's 5,10,15 minutes out of your day to help someone and have fun along the way?

But if you want to go on a raid, more power to you-- tell me how it feels getting up to a level 70 mage when people around the world are starving... *guilt tripping you*

No worries... I have all day... I can wait...

But now that I've gone all Pax-tivist on you guys for now, I'm going to figure out what I can do for myself right now and treat this dang blasted headache-- definitely waiting for these April showers to be over...

Put 8 Seconds on the Clock, We're Going Into Overtime...(BEDA #9)

2009-04-10T19:38:00.002-04:00

Since it's now officially 7:41PM (at the start of writing this), I can wish everyone a good evening-- unless you live in another timezone and then well... I fail *sighs*

Today was the start of my lazy weekend in which I did absolutely nothing of consequence... whooooo for lazy days.

Well actually, this is not entirely true, I in fact did a lot of things that I enjoy muchly in my Paxley brain.

Oh, hold on before I continue-- the song title is a corruption of the song with song of the lyrics reworded in a fitting way so it's time for my favorite time of BEDA *drumroll*... didja guess the song?

I'm going to pause here and assume none of you guessed the song, and that's okay-- I still love you (unless of course I specified I don't love you and then in that case, GTFO my blog)

but now moving on about today:

discussed immortality on Plurk
Pondered building a modified car that employed a PS2 controller/modified computer keyboard instead of your typical steering column (<---- Paxmay is on this shit, don't worry)
Showed my militant pride for being a PC over a Mac (what can I say, Vista is shit, but it's never truly let me down too much)
Emailed the DH of the CS Department to see how they can help me become a CS minor.

Also right now while typing this I am watching Banned from the Bible I (and I plan to watch II as soon as this autoplay is finished).

With this Easter weekend coming up I've been pondering religion a lot lately, which is something I do more often then I'd like to admit.

I hadn't originally intended to make this my view on religion, but I guess it's going that way, but I swear-- this shouldn't offend anyone.

I'm not a religious person, I'm going to admit that and I've admitted it time and time again, and I'm not ashamed of this fact because I'm pleased my parents gave me a choice-- however I'm not completely proud of the fact that I have no religion to even defy or reject.

My father is a Catholic, my mother is a Protestant, and on top of not being able to agree what they wanted to be, they also decided they were going to let their children choose a religion that they wanted to. The only problem with this idea was that my parents have always very readily castigated religion and therefore wanting to pursue a religion in my family would probably be a taboo to them like being gay would be (though my parents would accept that I was gay, just not if I wanted to believe in God-- ironic).

I have a deep fascination in theology and therefore don't consider myself an Atheist, not because I believe it's wrong to be an Atheist, but only because I have yet to rule out the potential for a higher deity-- who knows, I might wind up an Atheist at the time of my death. I don't really consider myself an Agnostic (though if I had to consider myself an Agnostic I would be a Weak Agnostic or I would probably follow an Agnostic theism-- Wikipedia people) either because it's not that I don't know of any existence, or that I don't believe-- but rather I've never been really given a chance. By weak definition I probably would have been a Pagan once upon a time only because I feel almost as if I live in a non-Christian world because of how my parents raised us and it's very weird being so ill educated on this topic. And nothing against Jews, but well... I know I'm not Jewish-- that's the end of that...

I took up a course on Dante's Divine Comedy this past semester and it's really been my first experience in a type of intense theology study in my past 19 (bordering 20) years. I'm still not sure what I believe, but I like this process I've developed from this of accepting and rejecting these ideas as personal ideologies.

I'm also borrowing my roommate's Bible soon because I feel like it's a good place to start-- you know... the beginning.

And now I'm even bored with that ramble, sorry-- I hadn't intended to be so heavy handed and serious so I'm moving on now.

The Evil Baby Orphanage--

I posed this question yesterday and now I'm going to share my opinions now.

I think going back in time and employing an Evil Baby Orphanage would actually be foolish, not because it would be a bad idea to reduce World Suck in the past, but because I feel like having an EBO would increase the chance of creating a grandfather paradox or at the very least an alternate timeline.

The evil that has taken place has defined our World, good or bad and with that I refuse to be the complete undoing of human existence.

However employing an EBO now would be a good idea if we could somehow predict the likelihood of a baby becoming an evil baby-- which might be a little harder given the fact most people don't exhibit signs of being evil until they can walk or talk.

Whoooo I rambled a lot today, I'm sorry-- twas boring and lame and a little too Paxist, what can I say... get me thinking and I really think, and I mean really.

And now I'm done ranting for the day so I'm off BEDA mode for now, however when I actually get my brain all together I remembered I have to ramble about this water they have at school now-- and while I thought I was seeing signs of the DaVinci code, it turned out just to be epic water... *nonsensical*

Accio Appropriate Title, Incendio Writer's Block (BEDA #8)

2009-04-09T19:31:00.007-04:00

Evening Nerdfighteria, this is BEDA numbah 8--*excited Kermit the Frog style type clapping*

At least I think it's number 8, if it's not we're going to get a
lesson in counting from Pax, so everyone should be excited.

So you know the drill, I've adapted the title from an already existent song title and made it my own-- my question is:
what song is it?
and who was I just watching on BlogTV? (<---- which is relevant to who wrote the original song).

My Easter weekend officially starts now because my teacher canceled my class tonight as well as my one class tomorrow, so I am basically super super pumped about being able to get some writing and work done early because despite today ending on a sour note I've had a pretty good day. After beating more Peter Pan metaphors to death I went to my Dante's class and realized that theology makes my head hurt. That might be the soul reason I'm not a religious person--well that is aside from all the others. However my roommate is letting me borrow his Bible to read for this weekend, and even then I'll probably just settle for the Lego Bible because it has pictures and the Snape Lego is the devil... so I'd say that's a win all around. Today I also got 3 packages! (which is meant of course in the non-homosexual way, which is apparently a disclaimer I have to make, just an FYI).

The first two aren't so exciting: hearing aid batteries and some screenwriting software from Microsoft (it's Final Draft, so I think that's MS made, correct me if I'm wrong). But the third was schweet to say the least. For some people Easter means religious reflection and appreciation of Jesus, or something like that-- I honestly know more about the religious history of Passover than I do anything in Catholicism (which on a side note for all my Jewish friends, Chag Samayach, my friend Rob taught me that before he went home for the Seder.)

For me however Easter means the long withstanding Paxton tradition of Easter baskets and egg hunts. My mom has always viewed Easter as a second Christmas because she works in a card store and has for close to the past decade now. Before that my mom used to celebrate Easter like this because usually money was tighter around Christmas so she'd space out stuff making sure we always got what we wanted. I'd be really quick to say I was spoiled but I honestly neither ask not expect any of this and I think that makes all the difference.

This is my first Easter away from home (last year Easter ran early and Spring Break ran late so my first college year was the same old same old.) and it's a little weird to say the least. I'm so used to waking up and hunting for chocolate eggs around the house and then sitting down and opening up the baskets with the family. My mom is really great in this respect and I really can't wait till she's an amazing grandmother to my kids, or at least until I get to repay half of this back and spoil my kids on Easter (after church of course, I'm sticking to my guns with mixing traditions... which hopefully means my kids will have a stronger moral center =P hahaha).

I opened up the box addressed to me from my mom and was really shocked to find she had organized a whole basket (minus the basket if that makes any sense). She still went to whole nines even if I couldn't be there and included the note attached to a bag of chocolate eggs that said "have someone hide these for you, Ducky"-- and yes, she does call me Ducky...thank you very much...

Albeit I was a little sad at first because I know this means that my dad isn't in the right enough state of mind to come visit me at school, but I know he's recovering well from his stroke so the best I can do is be happy for him and use the holiday to reflect on that.

Even with all that my mom managed to bring home to me in form of a small brown box complete with candy (more than I know what to do with to be honest ranging from gum, chocolate, and even non-shitty candy hearts, even if they are Twilight themed *I personally like Twilight, but I honestly don't ask for all this*), fuzzy blue bunny whom I have named Colin, and a random assortment of odds and ends that included an Amex gift card, T-Shirt, and a movie magazine which I clandestinely read over in class.

Even I'm still shocked to get money on Easter, but I was soooooooo happy at the same time. After nerding about for an hour or so about what I was going to buy with my money I settled on buying:

Papertowns by John Green
An Abundance of Katherines by John Green
and of course the Paxist standby for weekend food,
some Chinese food.

If you don't know who John Green is, let alone Hank Green, or even the Vlogbrothers then I'm not even sure how you managed to read through this whole thing and for wasting your time I apologize I'll let you step out... now...
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...
...
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so now to test my blog audience...

be doo doo doo...?

Thought so...

But really, If you've still continued to read and have never seen the Vlogbrothers I think you should check the out you can check on YouTube under keywords: Vlogbrothers, John Green, DFTBA, or even so far as to search for Nerdfighters.

On a side note my question for you is:

Evil Baby Orphanage-- after this week's developments what do you feel about EBO?

I'm just curious where people stand, I'll share my opinions in BEDA #9 if I remember or care to explain.

The rest of the day however took a weird turn as soon as I went to go get my Chinese food man from the guy who did nothing but manage to yell at me-- which usually happens, this is our symbiotic relationship now.

After dealing with the frazzled, angry, but apologetic Chinese food man I popped over the the market that is behind my building where I literally found that hell had broken loose, and in the most accurate senses of the word.

I had never had anyone scream at me: only go this way if you want to get shot today...

I'm going to preface the rest of this with the basic fact that I was never in any immediate danger, I'm fine, and the campus is safe now as of the time I'm posting it.

However a few hours ago we had a situation with a guy in the Park River apartments, which are basically a set of dorm-style apartments set between my complex and the market-- and was ironically where I was headed to buy some iced tea.

Some yahoo had apparently taken a few people hostage after a failed armed robbery, and the basic facts which have been released is that after an hour or two of snipers, K9 units, National Guard, and probably a large portion of both campus and HPD the guy was eventually talked down and no one was injured.

Even with all this, I'm not going to lie-- it was pretty fucking scary to find you've walked into a war zone with guys using guns and shouting commands you've only ever seen in even the most intense shooter game.

I'm still a little shaken, but it's done nothing to ruin my night or my early weekend, I've just learned about the state of our campus' security.

But all these worries aside I think I'm going to read some BBook of Geek and watch some Dil Chahta Hai for class...

and remember Nerdfighters-- DFTBA

When I Grow Up, I Want To Have Fairies (BEDA #7)

2009-04-08T16:41:00.006-04:00

So this is a re-write on an earlier blog because I wrote it before to honestly get it out of the way, and now I feel like that's not really the point of blogging or BEDA so we'll call this a more successful take two.

The title this time is once again based on a song, and helps preface the long discussion that once again teaches me that I've been the same person I've been since I was 9 years old.

Didja guess the song? *squeaface*

I was on a short self-imposed isolation this week, for no real reason other than sometimes you need to clear your head to realize that everything was making sense in the first place.

Though having this iMode of sorts really allowed to me to appreciate some things and realize some others.

This week I talked with my fiancee about some of the most random things, and I feel like moments where I slow down and just appreciate our relationship are really some of the reasons why we're as strong as we are.

...then again we also talk about eating dirt and the time I got drunk and married the 12 girls band...

*crickets*

Moving on...

I feel like I can never really express to her how grateful I am for her, and blah blah blah-- sentimental stuff that's she's heard over and over and over again-- but really, I'm just glad she gave me my second chance.

Today we wound up talking about a time when we weren't together (which feels like years ago now) and we were talking about how one time back in November (I believe) I had a date with a girl I wasn't all too interested in (keep in mind this was a college date, it was on campus, I didn't pay, we used meal plans, I walked her back to her room after, and realized I hated college dating)...

It made me realize how much time can really pass in almost 2 years...

and yes, I know-- I'm not an idiot, I know that when two years time passes it has been about 2 years but when you look at it like this it looks crazy.

It's an interesting connection to follow when you look at a guy who went from heartbroken in 2007 to happily engaged to 2009 and all it took was:

one failed long term "relationship"
2 failed casual dates with 2 girls (<--- ironically this was probably the same result of the guy who made "2 Girls, 1 Cup)
one clandestinely jealous best friend
a relationship
a slap to the face (<--- told you it was a casual dating fail)
a failed 2 month relationship that tells you that interracial dating is fine, the Irish and Swedish just don't mesh (inter-ethnic fail)
an epiphany
a relationship with my best friend that lasted 1 year and 5 days (<---- all amazing)
and one surprise engagement in a time frame that only the Doctor could handle.

If I hadn't lived it all, I'd never have believed it was possible too... trust me.

Sometimes I'd like to go back and warn 12 year old Pax that he's got a rocky road ahead of him, but he's got his own worries to handle

... after all

he's just found out he was rejected from Hogwarts and he's too busy in the backyard looking for the second star to the right (and straight on till morning...)

But I guess something stands true from the 12 year old falling off his footboard because Tinkerbell's not there yet to help him fly (<---- I think I might have just found a metaphor...woot) and the near 20 year old who has the same fear in the metaphorical sense... No regrets

Sometimes You Just Feel Like a Bad Hat (BEDA #6)

2009-04-07T20:05:00.005-04:00

This is the only day of the week so far where I'm really not feeling BEDA, all I want to do is sleep but part of blogging everyday is like being stuck in a Biodome of obligation. So because of the nagging compulsion that keeps me doing this, here is my day in short summation.

Woke up this morning a little earlier than I had expected, and was quite displeased with my lack of motivation even then. I kicked off work mode really early, and yet still ironically seemed to finish late-- that's how Dante's writing works.

I wouldn't necessarily call myself a fan of Dante, or even a scholar, but I'm grasping it slowly every day and that's a miracle within itself. The text is a little bit heavy handed in expressing Christianity as the end all be all of being a good person, of which I'm neither here nor there when it comes to opinions. I believe what you want, say what you want, do what you want, respect that other people have the same right-- and you repeat this everyday until someday a higher belief resurrects itself from the mashed up incoherency that is the average human brain mixed with theology.

I would up leaving late for class, one of the hazards of having that annoying couple separation anxiety every time I leave May, and yes-- it happens almost every time never fail, trust me-- I'd be sick of us if I didn't think we were so cute (and slightly superior to "normal" couples =P)

Even with all this however I still wound up making it to class in only 5 minutes flat, which to explain is clearly feat of God or some divine nature because even had I been running it should have taken me 15 minutes-- proof that divinity is slowly showing itself to me in the most unexpected of ways hahaha.

My Dante's class ticked by at a crawl like pace, and I would know, I was staring the clock all class. After that interminable Inferno was over I went to meet with my film adviser. He's British and a little bit touched in the head, I'm not going to lie when I say I think there's something mildly wrong with him-- but he's helped me out of many a bind, so he's alright in my book.

It was today when I was granted another small surprise-- I'm almost finished school, technically. As of my Spring 2010 I will only have 2 general education courses left and 4 more film courses, which leaves me to finish up my ComSci requirements with little to no worrries.

Needless to say, I AM PUMPED.

But at the same time terrified of the fact the future is really coming fast, which once again on the same crux I'm likewise pumped again-- but I think that's because without a doubt, even if my future plans don't go just as that, planned... at least I have someone that I know I'm going to go home to everyday.

For some reason now, the frightening concept of our future doesn't freak me out so much-- someone get me some shades (<----cheesy reference a la 80s)

And now because lab has taken a ton out of me I believe I'm going to settle into doing some of my ComSci work and then getting a nap in-- tired Pax is tired =P

I Never Understood the Spiel About Rainy Days and Mondays Until They Happened All At Once (BEDA #5)

2009-04-06T10:46:00.004-04:00

Today's just really one of those days, the typical: rainy days and Mondays always get me down-- and now I've been blessed with a rainy Monday and a pretty depressed mood to boot.

I always promised myself I'd never blog when I was feeling depressed because I felt that while blogging should be about sharing, I never liked sharing when I was in a bad mood-- so like my general mood today call this a fake smile plastered to this whole thing.

I got an unprecedented amount of sleep last night, I really don't think I've gotten that much sleep since last summer or possibly even so far back as when I was younger than 16 at this point. I've also come to the conclusion why I really don't like getting a lot of sleep-- it's a plain waste of time. I went to bed shortly after 11 last night and woke up shortly after 8:30 only to find that no matter how much sleep I can get, the human body is a bit of a sleep whore and always wants more. Unless this is just me, and then in this cause ummm... *clears throat* Hello, I'm Pax and I'm addicted to sleep.

All I can think is that I have 5 more weeks, that's about it-- maybe a little less, maybe a little more until I can leave school again for almost 4 months. The Hallelujah chorus has never been so fitting in this moment, well either that or something from High School Musical 2-- but I have a feeling that one of them is much less likely to get things thrown at me.

If anyone could tell me which one of these is fact I'd be appreciative...

I called my mom up in a fit of desperation the other day to tell her the my Bank of America account is looking particularly scant lately, and I'd like to ironically point out that my Bank of America account is the most American thing about me-- FYI. It took some negotiating ironically for her to give me less money, because she was trying to offer me 50 dollars, and I told her that I only needed exactly $17.56 to finish out the next 5 weeks.

I know a lot of people just *headdesked* at me not accepting more money, and for those of you who didn't, then I'm glad you understand the subtle science of borrowing money from your parents.

My mom is giving me the money, not as a borrowing thing-- but just so I don't sound too ungrateful, I did offer to dance around the front lawn in a monkey suit to give her 20 dollars worth of lawls.

She has yet to get back to me yet, but if you have a monkey suit and live in the New England area, I might possibly need to get in touch with you...

The sun just started to come out-- ironically it's doing nothing but mocking my mood at the moment.

I just have a lot of thinking to do this week, so in order for me to do that properly I've basically de-teching for the next week, not fully-- and I might pop on my messengers for a little bit but other than maybe a few YM sessions and BEDA I probably won't be around

I've put karma freeze on Plurk and I think most people won't notice my Twitter absence, Facebook depresses me and I'm not even sure why I keep Myspace-- I just don't want to be reached this week...

FAQs--Not To Be Confused with Fat Angry Quails (BEDA #4)

2009-04-05T14:59:00.008-04:00

Oh herro...

This is an atypical blog which we are calling--

Frequently Asked Questions!!!

Believe it or not, even a loser like me eventually get a lots of frequently asked questions about himself, and I am both flattered whilst being simultaneously annoyed. So I've come up with an answer inspired by Liam Dryden AKA LittleRadge on YouTube (check him out, he's Scottish and his girlfriend is Fijian and they are probably one of the more epic couples you will find on the internet-- aside from maybe one *coughs*)

Also-- keep in mind that this is meant to be informative, funny, and not to be taken too seriously in how I respond, just in the answers that I give...

So...here it goes:

Question 1: Is your name really Edward?
Yes, my name is Edward-- Edward James Paxton to be exact (lolololol Edward James?)-- once again, yes my middle name is James, it's not like my mum planned future trends of fan girls 16 years early. I'd really prefer you just call me Pax though if we're anything from friends, family, or random strangers.

Question 2: How old are you?
I actually get this one a lot for people who just see me physically-- I'm almost 20 years old, I'm going to be 20 on Sunday the 7th of June. And before you ask more, yes I'm aware I look 16-- it's just my face, hopefully I'll grow out of it.

Question 3: Do you go to school, where, and what are you studying?
Questions like this always make me feel like I'm being stalked for some reason, but I'll give you basics--
I'm finishing up my second year at my university, and yes I go to a university and not a college. I'm also based in the Hartford area of Connecticut-- in which I like to keep my privacy for the most part unless you really want to hang out, and even then I'm apt to think you're a rapist. In regards to what I'm studying, I'm a film major with emphasis with analysis and writing-- basically I critique content and write my own scripts, production is not my strong suit. I'm also adding a minor in Computer Science for a few reasons, most of which involve me being a nerd and want to take over the world with my family of hackers *shifty eyes*.

Question 4: Do you have any social networking sites, and can I add you up there?
I can't see why you'd want to, but I'm not going to stop you...you can find me on:
Myspace
Twitter
Plurk
Tumblr
Multiply
Friendster(not sure why I have one...)

I also have a few messengers, but the only one I feel okay sharing is MSN, so you can add me under Paxomaniac@Live.com

The best bet is to go online and just search keyword: Paxomaniac, and you'll find me and figure out where I'm at.

Question 5: You realize your name is Edward, right?
Yes... I know, the joke got old about 4 years ago, so let's just all collectively let out a laugh "hahaha, your name is Edward!"-- are we good now?

Question 6: Do you have a girlfriend?
No, I am quite girlfriendless at the moment

Question 7: Are you single?
Oh, that, no...I'm not *whistles*

Question 8: But you just said you didn't have a girlfriend...
I'll let you ask May about that...

Question 9: Who the heck is May?
May is the fifth month of the year in the Gregorian Calendar, and one of seven Gregorian months with the length of 31 days
but in my own personal context May is one half of Paxmay and is less commonly known as Mariel-- and if you couldn't figure out that if she is one half of Paxmay, then I being the Pax part, make up the second half. She was my girlfriend for over a year and best friend for even longer, but that ended-- we're engaged now, so I can still smirk and say that I am more than taken.

Question 10: Oh, so you're *not* gay?
I'm unregretably straight, and I'm fine with you calling me: gay, queer, faggot, flaming rainbow-- I attract gay men like I attract fan girls and either way I'm flattered, but I'm looking for something a little more Maylicious.

Question 11: But don't you realize your name is Edward, haven't you read--
Yes to both... I have read the books, I see the connections, and before you ask again keep in mind that like the fictional Edward I am also romantically involved-- you might want to try for a guy named Jacob or Mike, you might have better luck.

Question 12: OMG ARE YOU FLIP??LOLOLOLOL
for those of you who don't understand LOLSpeech basically this question means: Are you perhaps Filipino? If you are, I would find this laugh out loud worthy.
...*sighs*-- I AM NOT FILIPINO-- I repeat, hindi Pilipino ako, Amerikano ako.

Question 13: But you speak Tagalog?
I also speak Spanish, German, French, and American Sign Language, and I am none of these nationalities (though I am partially deaf, just FYI)

Question 14: I don't understand, how do you know Tagalog?
I was Filipino in a past life... *shrugs*

Question 15: Huh?
*headdesk*-- ummm, lemme try again--
Back in December 2007 I started learning some basic phrases to wish my best friend a multilingual Happy Birthday (and yes, this same best friend is my fiancee now, FYI-- which through deductive reasoning should tell you she is Filipina). It actually got to be really interesting and I saw a lot of tethers to Spanish (which I'm fluent in), but at the same time it was a language I had no backing in. I started doing my own web research and began watching videos and downloading some free flashcard programs. I also like watching Filipino movies (Regal Cinema for the win!) and learned a lot of pronounciation there (my favorite love team hands down is Mark Herras and Jennylyn Mercado-- just to show you how Pinoy I can get hahaha). I even bought an elementary text book for Christmas and I learn from that whenever I have free time. Being on Plurk helped me a lot too and is why I can read a lot more Tagalog than I can respond in-- it's basically being immersed in something so long you start to pick it up out of necessity.

So yes in short, I can speak some Tagalog, read some, write some-- but if I get confused with something you said, please be nice to me and translate instead of making some remark about how I don't know what I'm doing-- I never said I was fluent, I'm still a student.

Question 16: But why the Philippines?
well besides having a bias with my fiancee, I'm not really sure-- I'm not normal and I have proof, and before asking anything about that I recommend you check out my specialty blog here: http://notsoabroadamerikano.blogspot.com/

Question 17: are you a whore?
Let's go down the list:
I'm a virgin, I'm engaged, I have never done anything sexually with anyone, and even when I will, it's with someone I'm fully committed-- so I can live proud knowing these facts: I don't have AIDS or other diseases-- and I don't have to worry about them developing, I might be inexperienced-- but I'm in love, and I've never preached about staying a virgin and then decided to suck someone off in lieu of sexual intercourse *Pax: 1, Haters:0*-- hope you can kiss mommy and daddy with that mouth hahaha.

Question 18: what every Pax-girl (fangirl, hahaha) wants to know...boxers or briefs? woot)" height="21"> (thanks Sam hahaha)
No shame in a man with Boxers-- and before it goes on any long rant about why, I honestly don't know. They're cheap, I can wear them around the house without feeling naked, they're cheap, we don't need to see more of my body than necessary, I have since I was 7-- and also because deep down I think they sound more badass-- like Balboa-esque boxer.

Question 19: how do we know that you're real and you're not a really advanced bot who could answer people like a normal human?
Like internet bot, or robot-bot?

Because the first one is simple, bots have an easier time with CAPTCHA than I do, and a bot wouldn't have epic fails like :), =0), or =00 when in YM.

As for real robots, I've actually discussed the potential of having robotic organs and limbs swapped out for mine when my human body starts to go rubbish. Basically it's really out of a yen to live forever, and right now vampirism has such a stigma against it (thanks Stephenie Meyer [/sarcasm]

Question 20: is it true that orange has no rhyming word?
Orange rhymes with door hinge, problem solved...

Question 21: If you're not Filipino, then what are you?
American, specifically of an Irish, English, and Australian ethnicity

Question 22: You're not Asian?
No...

Question 23: Not even half?
No...not even half...

Question 24: You look a little Korean...
That's not even a question, and if anything I've been told I look half Pinoy...

Question 25: so you're not really Pinoy?
Didn't we cover this?... and why the hell am I asked you... THEY'RE MY FAQS!

Question 26: Why do you squint so much then?
It's just something with my face, I have particularly narrow eyes for a Caucasian eye, in fact before you ask-- my eyes are blue. I'm just kind of singkit, and most people I know have learned to accept me as I am (mostly Filipinos, let's not lie)

Question 27: what can you do to help conserve our environment?
I never leave the computer, by preventing my time outside in the environment, I'm making sure there's more for everyone else... happy?

Question 29: Why did you skip 28?
Because I hate even numbers, and I have a firm believe that while the solution the universe is 42, the only contribution I can add to that mix is 29...and if you have to ask why, then I guess I'll have more FAQs for another go =P hahaha

Epiphanies in Three Minutes and Twenty-Seven Seconds (BEDA #3)

2009-04-04T17:03:00.008-04:00

You know the drill by now, the title is always based on a song I was listening to-- and this one is a little harder so if you guess it right I will give you 10 internets and serenade you with a uke (<---- you can call me Blue, and this a clue hahaha). It's really fitting for everything that happened today, and how I just generally feel about my future.

Today has been an all over good day, a good change of pace for a weird week. All I can say is that this week is one of the ones that makes me question my mental state, which is fancy way of saying I went bonkers a few times this week. If I've gone off on you at all this week, honestly I've just had a lot on my mind and it was a constant "straw that broke the camel's back" type scenario.

I woke up at about 10ish, the sounds of I Want It All have never been so unwelcome (and that's saying something...perverted hahaha). Got down to meet my roommate's proxy/girlfriend-ish at around 11AM, decked out in my Gryffindor shirt as we had agreed because it's hard for me to describe myself as "short, squinty, and a little confused looking". This is where I so eloquently epic failed, which is not suprising. It turns out that we were in the wrong meeting place and had to jog to a complete different location which is even closer to my dorm than this other place-- in short, FML.

We basically got everything squared away-- I'll be rooming in Quad 2-Apt 101, Room A with my roommate, Kal (his real name is actually Landon as I've learned, his nickname comes from "Kal-El", Superman for the win!). It's still just really weird to be moving out of the complexes after 2 years, and the fact that Leo has been my roommate for two years, it's a big change. However the thing that has not changed too, Leo's apartment is a few doors over, my friend Adam lives a few over from that, and Kal's girlfriend-ish Kelly lives a few other doors over-- it's going to be weird with closer co-ed living than we're used to. My new apartment is right across from the market, next to the pond (I can has swans?) and makes me yearn for having a rowboat.

But really, this is cooler than I can clearly describe because I get:
to take my bike to school (hooray for not being late!)
eat in a normal kitchen having coffee maker (which mum and I are looking for one shaped like a Dalek!)
a toaster (I know a few people just collectively cringed)

... on top of all this, being in a Quad apartment set up means that we have a lawn basically, meaning for once I can do that normal college thing and play soccer, frisbee, and I'm going to ask Kal how he feels about getting some type of basketball hoop for the front of our apartment.

This is going to be the first time I've roomed with a geek, and I have to say I'm really frakking psyched. I can already see how cool our room is going to look what with both of us being Guildies (just he goes regularly, and I'm a bit fed up with it). I already know we're going to have a lot of late nights with Trock, video games, and other nerdy things. Apparently he wants us to get to know each other next weekend so we're going to watch Lord of the Rings and order pizza or something-- it sounds pretty normal, but at the same time I feel like a little kid.

However even through all this there's one little thing that keeps sticking in the back of my mind, it's really all changing. This is the first time that "Fourth Floor" hasn't lived together and it's just a little weird after two solid years together. Blake has decided not to even move into the apartments with us, he's staying in the dorms and part of me wants to laugh and call him a sucker-- but at the same time I have no one to play Halo with for now (see, told you, little kid). Rob is moving back home too, he can't afford school anymore, and as much as I call him a stubborn Jewface, Jewbie, or a Jewlet-- he really is one of my best friends because as much of a douche he can be, he's still been there for some of the stuff that counts. I took him to see the apartments though and he very intelligently said "yo, I'm calling couch at least once a month"-- not surprised, he would do that-- tiny Jewface hahaha.

It has me thinking a lot about being homesick now, I used to miss being home with my parents and sister, or missing my friends, or not being there for parties-- but really when it comes down to it, over the past 2 years I've gotten more attached to these people, they really became my second family-- so I guess once again I'm back to not having a real home, but this time I'm not so grudging about that fact, I'm pretty blessed to have more than one home. Still, I'm thinking now that if I had the chance, I'd so employ the TARDIS and be selfish, because I'd like "someday" to become "right now"-- I'm curious if going to medical school would move this process along...

(random unrelated edit to the above topic) So a few people had asked me recently to get something like MSN or AIM to make myself more accessible and so I've done that, so if you know me on Plurk or anything else where we talk on a regular basis (which is basically a million sites I won't talk about, but it rhymes with incest...) feel free to be like "give me yo' MSN bitch"-- but hopefully more politely than that *shifty eyes*.

I'm also on YM too, but that really wound up being more personal lately, so if I've given you my YM trust I want to talk to you, if I haven't just trust I'm a pretty private person (technically speaking, I feel like most Bloggers are exhibitions anyways...and you all knows it's true)

On A Day Like This I Wish My Name was Lloyd Dobler (BEDA #2)

2009-04-03T19:53:00.006-04:00

So fun trivia questions for the day based on the title:
1) What movie am I referencing?
2) If you can go so far as to guess, which song do you think I'm listening to?

I honestly think it's pretty obvious, but I'm also a cinema major and a nerd...soooooo...

So today wasn't a bad day, but I'm going to admit I was feeling a lot of that TGIF love from the moment I woke up. School is finishing in a few weeks though so I'm really psyched to get the summer of '09 kicked off and just relax and work on some of my to do list which is to:
1) finish my book
2) lose some weight
3) read all the books on my shelf
4) Get a job

All pretty attainable I think, but the summer has yet to start, so we'll see how my motivation turns out as soon as the humidity sets in.

I am feeling particularly motivated lately, something about all the suckness that has been occurring over the past couple weeks has really driven my contentedness back up to over 9000.

Today in fact was one of those days that I can label as "Days Pax thinks too heavily about his future"-- but for once it didn't involve me panicking and talking about how I'm going to be employed at Best Buy.

So basically what I've decided is to... drag this point on even further by doing one of those little meme type things, hey... be thankful I'm not doing this in vlog form, you can always choose to stop reading now.

Basically I'm sure a lot of people had something like this in school, but if not I'm just going to preface it a little.

Do you remember when you're a little kid and they have career day in Elementary School? You know, when you dress up as what you want to be when you grow up- -for no reason other than when you're a little kid we label career proficiency in what we can dress as. Most people wind up dressing up like doctors, or ice skaters, or football players-- let's just say I wasn't always the same.

In first grade I told my mom I wanted to be a molecular biologist/chemist (and yes, I was 6 years old at the time and wasn't even sure these careers existed *they do*). I got all dressed up in a lab coat and my mom gave me an empty salad dressing container which she drew the little atomic symbol on. My mom even gelled my hair up with her hair gel so I looked like mad scientist and they let me wear my nice shoes to school with dress pants. After a few hours at school I accidentally opened the container and found out my mom hadn't soap it well enough and it reeked of garlic. Needless to say I got glared at, but the girl who sat next to me gave me her star shaped eraser and told me that my lap coat made me look smart and cute. That girl is actually one of my best friends now still and when I tell her that she laughs and asks what happened-- science never was my thing.

In second grade I told my mom I wanted to be a veterinarian, I was 7 at the time and used to check out books from the library on pet care. I was hoping that if I showed my parents how responsible I could be, they would get me a new puppy (I already had a dog named Mack who I thought was ancient at the time, he was only 9). My mom stole one of my dad's v-neck work undershirts and made me a badge that said Dr.EJ Paxton to clip on my shirt, it was even the first time she let me take a toy to school (not really a toy per se, she let me take a stuffed dog to class, it looked like our dog, but it was more fun). When I got to school I was promptly told my Robbie Lemieux that only girls took care of animals and he called me a girl. I get sent to the office that day and had to tell the principal why I had chosen to trip a fellow classmate at recess and asked him "who's the girl now, stupid?". Taking care of animals or people was never really my thing...

In third grade I got really into art and made the decision that I was going to grow up to be a painter. My mom went out and bought me a new smock, paint brush, and even a paint pallet I use to pretend I was painting. I told my mom that I didn't look right enough and I had to be like the guy who was on a kid's show I watched on Fox Family. Apparently when I was 8 being a good painter meant looking French. My mom sewed me a black beret and painted a fake Chef Boyardee looking moustache on my face. The beret was a hit and I decided from there on out that wearing hats just made sense, however the paint gave me a rash and I decided two things: 1) I never wanted facial hair (which would become ironic 7 years later) and 2) I didn't want mummy's help with career day anymore.

In fourth grade I developed a hero worship for my dad, and I wanted to do whatever daddy did and my dad is an electrical engineer with intense backing with computers, computer programming, and circuitry (my father really is an intelligent man, which is why it's surprising to hear he still loses his sunglasses on his head). I told my dad I wanted to be a computer programmer and I think looking back now he beamed a little bit with that fatherly pride. The next day my dad woke me up early and brought me into his room, Wishbone pajamas and all. By the end of him dressing me my mom must have been appauled at her 9 year old son coming out of their bedroom in a polo shirt, suit coat, khaki pants, and sunglasses with the lenses popped out. My dad even used his office copier to make me my own work clearance ID that said "Edward J. Paxton- Programming Head". I'm not going to say this was one of the more defining moments, but it was the first time someone called me a nerd and it was the first time I realized I was pretty proud of that fact. The kid who dressed up as the football player that year showed me what he thought of nerds though-- it took them a long time to get suit arms unbuttoned.

In fifth grade, I was 10 and decided to take all my past follies which meant:
nothing chemically dangerous, nothing girly, nothing harmful to my health, and nothing nerdy. Sadly this was the year we moved into the new house, so asking mum and dad for help wasn't of any good because they were too busy. I just so happened to be out of luck that career day followed the week we moved. Now you have to wonder what a 10 year old who has no adult supervision wants to be when they grow up. The next day I woke up all dressed up, and now looking back I think my mom was laughing her ass of at her 10 year old son in Hawaiian shirt, OP shorts, sandals, with sunscreen on his nose, and sunglasses that were a little too big with a cardboard cut-out of a crayon colored surf board. This is the only time I was readily accepted for my career day, and I felt pretty cool. At that age I felt like it would going to be the perfect career for me-- too bad I never did learn to surf though...

It's been about a decade now since those Elementary School career days and strangely I've come to find that my career aspirations at 9 are pretty much what they are at 19.

Which is why today I've come to the future decision that even through all my years of high school in which I wanted to be a doctor, an artist, a writer, only one of which stuck, I've realized I'm always going to be that nerd getting tied to the fire escape by his suit coat (I'm hoping figuratively, and not literally, that would suck).

So this is why today, well not today really-- but soon...

I'm adding Computer Science to my studies, probably in a minor, but still the idea is there that not only will I be that nerdy writer nerd, but I'm going to be that nerdy computer nerd... just call me freaky Computer Boy (someone just giggled =P)

But in all seriousness...
if you can teach me to surf, I'll definitely reconsider

Welcome to my BEDA fail! (#1)

2009-04-02T19:04:00.004-04:00

So if you're a Nerdfighter you probably know about BEDA-- and therefore you are awesome, no need for the DFT there.

If you are not a Nerdfighter and know nothing about BEDA-- well, ummmm... shaaaaaaame.

But no honestly BEDA is a concocted idea by Maureen Johnson, you can find out about the wonderful project here

Basically the premise is just simply this:

You blog, every day, in April hence B-E-D-A, which we are nerdy pronouncing as "beeda"

And now I know some of you are thinking: but Pax it is the second day in April-- don't you fail?

And my answer is simply: yes vaguely italicized internal monologue-- I do epic fail, but I counter you with my well formed rebuttal in two parts

1)I, Edward Paxton, DGAF (today is a day for acronyms)
2) Yesterday was April Fool's Day-- which means nothing but I didn't want to find out BEDA was a poorly elaborate prank in which no harm is done but wasted time
(^this, like the cake, is a lie)

But really, it's a cool project and lots of people are taking part in it-- in fact if you go on YouTube and just type in BEDA, VEDA, Nerdfighter, or any of the following together you will find many people are coming forward to join the epic fun.

...Ironically while I was writing this the song I'm using to start my screen play came on-- so not only will I share that but some updated news about iLife... segues FTW!

^This is the opening theme to both the main action of the screenplay, and is also the subset text of the novel that starts off the chapter-- proof that the oldies are still awesome even 25 years later.

I know a lot of my friends are aware of iLife, which is a bit of a lie-- a lot of my friends haven't listened long enough to care what I'm writing so here's just my basic summary of iLife.

It's a boy meets girls...meets iPod story-- I'm afraid I'm not allowed to say much more than that while I'm writing, but it's basically your average teen movie meets Stranger Than Fiction, with a hint of autobiography.

Also some extra fun nerdy news which a lot of people probably won't care about... so I'm still moving on.

I'm working on the iLife book at the moment (which is not a direct adaptation, but rather there are direct similarities between the screenplay version and the movie version-- but they are very different in layout and some timeline aspects), which is no surprise I've been working, re-editing, re-drafting, all the fun stuff since sometime early last year. Hopefully I'll be finished by the end of this summer and have a finished "iLife of Emerson Gray" product.

Which is where some of my fun comes in:

I've been looking at some independent publishing firms that will just do one-off copies of books without mass distribution, and basically if I can find where it is feasibly possible I will in fact be printing off a few copies of iLife and distributing them to people who want them.

However because I have no legal representation and no means of this being funded, a lot of this will be out of pocket, so I believe at the most I'm only going to have 5-10 copies printed off.

Whether this is truly possible or not, I'm not sure, but for anyone who's been following the progress of my stuff, if you want a copy this is your chance to be like "I can has book?"

...Keep in mind still that just because you want on doesn't mean you can have one, but I'm just curious about the people who are seriously interested in this and have been following it since the beginning.

So now that I've gotten this pretty boring and pointless update out of the way, I'm probably going to go do work, or other random pointless things with my time rather than blog about my day anymore right now, but just know this was my unlucky day-- I got April Fooled by April 1st thinking that the bad luck would end then... it didn't...

FML.

hahaha

A Dime Plus Ninety-Nine

2009-03-24T20:36:00.006-04:00

I have a riddle for you guys... you ready?

What's blue, red, and the fastest thing alive?

Answer:

NO BITCH IT'S NOT SONIC, PUTANGINA! It'd be me in my blue Element shirt and red Airwalks running from class to class, but the imagery pretty much looks the same.

In short, school is kicking my ass hardcore and I'm lagging more and more everyday, not that I'm complaining I love school for what it's worth, I just wish I had 2 more hours in a day-- can someone get on pulling a Hiro and editing the space time continuum?

So now I'm just sitting back and trying to let my thoughts gel a little, I still feel like I'm going at a good 100MPH right now, I need a good night's sleep tonight to calm me down.

We made explosives today in Chem, and I know anyone reading said something to the effect of "oh no, they let Pax have explosives" hahaha, I know the feeling, my lab tech really doesn't like me to have the matches because I look like a madman in those Chem googles, but what can I say-- they don't call me Paxomaniac for nothing hahaha.

So now we're going to play a little game now-- anyone who knows me knows I like to incorporate music and blogging together as one cohesive unit, and as usual the blog title somehow relates to the topic as well as the music I was listening to as I was writing it-- in this case today it is both.

So name that tune: what song is that lyric from?

It actually serves as a pretty good caveat for what the rest of the blog is about too, and also it's a pretty sick song, so go... start singing or Google right now...

I'll wait...

*Jeopardy theme*

didja figure it out?

if you did: whoooooooo yeah, told you it was sick...
if you didn't: you fail, get out of my face... hahahaha

So now moving on...

Some other fun news actually that has had me "straight trippin'" all day (did anyone else like that linggo switch? hahaha I didn't, moving on)-- because I felt like saying "fucking retarded" is what I'd say for anything else, but really this was big.

My fiancee got her braces off--

yeah I know that must make us sound so grown up-- she gets her braces off and maybe if we're lucky I'll hit puberty this week hahaha (I swear we are actually 19 and 20 respectively, which is probably backwards because she's 20 *and not old*, but yeah... WE'RE NOT LITTLE KIDS!)

*snugs Siggy* <---- [/sarcasm]

but really, all crazy Paxisms aside-- yeah hahaha, if I weren't her fiance, I'd beat myself up and want her to out with me...

Do you think it's possible to fall in love with someone twice?...

because I think I managed it. She was always gorgeous to me before, don't get me wrong or anything, this isn't out of anything shallow-- to me there is no one better looking, but I had never taken into account that she wouldn't have braces till we were 100...which might not make sense, but I think you get used to someone one way, and when that changes you have to consolidate your new opinions, and that's why I feel so retarded around her.

I swear, you'd think I was back to being 18 year old Paxward Pax and stammering and nosebleeds (I've had 4 nosebleeds a la sexy anime style for comparison...but I've calmed down now).

We must come off like one of those sickening couples, I apologize, if I weren't me I'd probably throw up more. It's ironic how we both don't think we deserve each other, if it weren't so pathetic I'm sure it would be "awwwww", but even I'm not sure. I'm just going to say it-- even though I know she'll probably pull a Tinkerbell on me later for this-- so love if you're reading this, sorry, but I just have to say it...

My fiancee is smoking hot (I feel like I stole that from a book, movie, show or something-- yeah) I'm even going to post a picture, because it's so funny when she makes the blushing, awkward, "I am not pleased with you Pax" face

Yeah, I can already tell she's going to be displeased with me, but I know for a fact she can't quit smiling, so I might be a little in the clear for now.

Also on another side note, I need to push that photo up a little from this because... yeah, she drives me crazy at the moment so...

Gonna
push
that
picture
up
some
more
...finally hahaha

As much as I said this was just going to be an everyday daily blog, I actually have some stuff I want to cover this week, because I can't vlog--so think of them as scripted blogs for now where you basically have to imagine fancy jump cuts and all that epicness of da YouChoob... just minus my ugly ass face talking at you for 5 minutes, plus-- I r a gud riter boy wid manee skillz

So for now some word association of what I want to cover over the next couple days: "Teeth Whitener", "Why you shouldn't mix up Necrophiliac with Nymphomaniac", "White People" (I swear, this one's not racist, I've been calling out so many white people on their "White Moments" so I guess I'm going to have to try and own up a little *not that I can [/fail]*), and "Trock".

Now speaking of school kicking my ass, homework time, ugh-- check you guys... tomorrow *hopefully*

I also... shameless plug--

Ze BakitWhy forums opened this week, and I'm not gonna lie, it's pretty freaking awesome, you can talk to some of the awesome BW Vlogger team, Filipinos, and some random other people who make their way into the work (AKA well by now you know who that would be hahaha)

links here ------> *BakitWhyFanboyLove*

White Moments As Told By A White Guy

2009-03-21T17:41:00.006-04:00

What I'm going to tell you might shock, alarm, and appall you, so hold on to your hats:

I am White.

Yeah... I'm basically just messing with you guys, most of you know I'm pretty much the whitest thing since milk, paper, and white-out-- but those of you who also know me pretty well just said "Pax, you're not white, stop lying to these people"-- I know, I know... I can tell jokes too hahaha.

Basically I'm here to dispel this little thing called "White Moments" (which are similar to "Asian moments", "Black Moments" "_____ Moments"-- whatever applicable moment that is)

White moments are basically define as when anyone, mostly white people manage to take a normal situation between friends, family, acquaintances, classmates, and strangers and manage to have a white overload and have in turn made the moment a "white moment".

An example of one such "white moment" recently would come from a friend of mine's Plurk-- (full link can be found here)

White moment in 3--2--1...

OG MikeBz

I like chucks, they're awesome. I prefer Supra and Element shoes tho

i'm not white boy...

no*

what are ballys?

These aren't really white boy: www.kicksonfire.com/wp-content/uplo...

bonudǝd

i don't even know

Bopper

^ those are cool

bonudǝd

yeah...i'm no white boy

NaughtyHaughty

says AHHHHHHH "THROWS HANDS UP" STARTS TO SING......... CALIFORNIA LOVE........

bonudǝd

Now let me welcome everybody to the wild, wild west A state that's untouchable like Elliot Ness

NaughtyHaughty

says The track hits ya eardrum like a slug to ya chest Pack a vest for your Jimmy in the city of sex

bonudǝd

We in that sunshine state with a bomb ass hemp beat the state where ya never find a dance floor empty

OG MikeBz

What do you mean by that? Doesn't mean 2 shit cents...

bonudǝd

WHITE MOMENT!!!

OG MikeBz

.... Wtf are you talking about? Are you on some dope trip?

jasmin.

bahahah

NaughtyHaughty says

LMFAO @ white moment haha

bonudǝd

damn nigga, you're the only one that don't get it

OG MikeBz

I get the idea, but.....why?

bonudǝd

why what?

AkoSiMr.Pogi says

I'm still laughing at the white moment <----(this would be the man behind the blog himself)

OG MikeBz thinks

this is turning racial.....

now for the test afterwards:

If you had to guess, which one of these posters committed the "white moment"?---

If you guessed OG MikeBz, you're correct-- and for extra credit I want you to point out all his white moments, this one I'll leave you to grade yourselves...

I don't mean to alienate this one guy, he really just happened to be the most pertinent example of "White moments" lately. I feel on a whole white people can start working together to help lessen the amount of white moments, or at least learn to laugh at them when they happen.

If you find yourself in a "White Moment" the steps for proceeding are:

Recognize when and where the moment went from a regular discussion to a "White Moment"
State something similar to the following "I just had a White Moment"
Apologize for the "White Moment" to the other people in the discussion
Move on
Do not repeat!

If you don't follow these steps there are some more guidelines to follow as well:

Allow people to call you out on the "White Moment"-- you deserve it
Don't get mad-- you were the one who went all white
Laugh along-- white moment are usually never over anything serious, so chill out and enjoy the moment of accidental humor.
Don't follow up your "White Moment" with another one, you're just asking for trouble and you'll only wind up angrier.
Do not confuse people calling out your "White Moment" as racism, that's just another "White Moment" and you wind up ruining the fun for everyone by pulling the race card at the wrong time and you wind up alienating and offending the other white people near you as well.

If you still don't understand "White Moments"-- then you are in fact having a "White Moment", so that should help explain it some more.

I was originally going to say that this whole thing was in jest and was not meant to come off racist or anything like that, but then realized that if you don't realize this is partially in jest, and not meant to come off racist, and is meant to be a humorous education-- then you are probably still caught in a "White Moment" and you probably need to read this over again.

This week the trend...

2009-03-21T17:04:00.003-04:00

was to ignore my blog and return again and pretend like nothing happened, until week repeats and it starts again.

...yeah, that's supposed to be a play off a Relient K song...and is probably just as cheesy written as when I wrote it in my head.

So basically-- I failed.

I know I had said "daily blog blah blah blah" but looking back I think maybe I shouldn't have chosen to start working on my daily on my Spring Break, but I digress.

My week was just really busy in the weirdest most unsocial ways-- I slept a lot, I ate a lot, and I saw my friends a lot-- almost a little too much for my liking.

Don't get me wrong, I love my friends, but I really can only take so much crazy at one time.

I met up with my best friend to do the straightest thing possible, we went to the mall and I helped him pick out formal wear for a wedding. Whooooo hypermasculinity for the win! It actually was pretty fun though, we don't get to see each other a lot so I'll take any concessions to have some guy time. We went to a diner later though and I had to hang out with his new unsufferable friend from college, she was actually really annoying and was just "scene" enough to be condescending.

I'd like to say I have nothing again scene kids, emo kids, goth kids, whatever-- but most of the time I'm really annoyed by the subculture who enjoys those labels, and for those of you how understand...thank you, and for those of you who don't-- we clearly can't be friends hahaha.

I spent most of the rest of the week meeting up with my friends Jonah, Fagell, and Jess-- we're like the original Musketeers, because most people know that there are actually not three musketeers, but there are actually 4 (d'Artagnan FTW!)

Last night was my friend Jonah's birthday party that was organized by yours truly, and my friend Fagell. Let's just say it's probably not a good idea for us to ever form a professional catering service or party planning biz because it would go to hell really fast. It turned out okay with a few minor mishaps along the way-- the frosting turned out more like a disgusting glaze, the glaze wound up sliding off the cake (well, it was really a giant cookie, Jonah doesn't like cake-- which is why I'm not always sure how we're friends when we're opposites) while I was moving it to the fridge, we wound up getting semi-lost, we wound up forgetting to call people and scrambling to assemble, and we wound up losing some of the party foods along the way (AKA we kept eating them because we had gotten so busy we forgot to eat.)

The night went pretty well, but I probably should have kept an eye on the drinks that Jonah was making, I'll defend that I thought it was just orange juice and raspberry ginger ale, but from how messed up I was when I got home-- I'm starting to think otherwise.

I don't remember much of last night once I got home, I just know I said goodnight to my mom and wound up on the playroom couch trying to sit upright. So if anyone knows what I did last night and wants to help me out-- I'd be much appreciated, I'm going to assume I was a bit of a dumbass last night hahaha.

I go back to school tomorrow so tonight is a bittersweet thing, especially with everything that happened with my dad. I hate leaving my family for such weird intervals, but I don't miss the freedom I get from school so I'm going to live up being at school for the next 7 weeks before coming home again for the summer.

Mum's heading back with foodage soon so I believe we're going to have an epic night of breakfast for dinner, Twilight DVD watching, and then a late night showing of December Boys for myself-- so I'll check you guys later.

Not So Manic Monday-ish

2009-03-16T17:19:00.004-04:00

Today was the official start of Spring Break, so I celebrated it in the way that any good college student would:

I slept until noon.

Surprisingly despite all outward appearances, I'm not really the type of guy to sleep until noon I just *look* like a slacker. Then again, this isn't too surprising given that I stayed up until about 4:23AM before unceremoniously passing out with my laptop on my chest.

For the typical Monday I'm used to, I'd say this was a really good change of pace given the fact this weekend was craaaaaaaaazy... and I really mean crazy, I'm still waiting for it to have been a dream.

I got back to my parents' house on Friday and basically from there I have been coping in a weird hellish reality, it's only just now that it seems to be slowing down.

I'm not really going to beat around the bush-- this weekend was the biggest bipolar rollercoaster of utter crap and then by the end of it everything really started to look up again--thank god.

I came home to have everything in my life changed and drastically at that. These past few weeks at school have already been hell so I've been a little too stressed to realize the things that were happening under my nose which I'm both grateful for and at the same time pretty shaken by how much can happen.

About 2 weeks ago my dad woke up one morning with floaters in his eyes and shook it off. He's never been one to trust doctors, so much so that he only just started going back regularly this year after almost 7 years without being looked at. Given the fact it's been seven years I'm not surprised that on top of everything that happened my dad has high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and a series of other heart related problems-- but it's still a lot to accept that he's not invincible anymore. The doctors started him on a few new drug therapies to get him healthy again, but they never mentioned what was going to happen next. Over the next few days he'd apparently been noticing some weird stuff happening-- his heart beating faster, more floaters, twitching, and a lack of focus to his sight.

Finally one of these days my dad woke up to realize his eyesight in one of his eyes was completely gone.

Fast forward a little until my arrival home and I find that my dad has been seeing a number of specialists, doctors, therapists, you name it--he's been to visit them.

From what I've been told her suffered a stroke in his eye, the clot that dislodged caused severe retinal damage (see: Retinal Vein Occlusion). The doctors have given us a million little things from the medical standpoint, but none from the personal standpoint.

Basically my dad is legally blind now, he's never going to regain the sight in that eye, and we've been so blandly told that he could lose sight in the other eye, he could lose the functionality of the one eye he has (see: glass eye) and we're not sure what this means for the financial future of this family-- and yet at least we have that fact, we're a family.

I hate being the super serious guy about this, depression has never sat attractively on me, so I'm going to try and not talk too much more about this-- but I just needed to get this off my chest and to dispense some advice because it's the best I can do with this experience.

If I've learned anything it's about appreciating your parents, your family, your friends-- all the people in your life who matter. Get to know these people in your life, because you never know when you're going to lose them, I got lucky in the case of my dad, but given the nature of his health it could have gone so much worse. So really, if you're reading this and you have a parent, sibling, grandparent, whatever-- whoever matters to you... don't take them for granted because you never know when those tomorrows run out.

Also to anyone who was there for me through this-- thank you, it might not be much in the case of the content of words, but then again-- I've never been the most eloquent speaker when it came to things like this. It really means a lot to have the people that I've listened to and advised finally turning the tables on me-- go figure, I can give advice with the best of them but can't take it *ironic*

Now it's 5:50PM and I'm watching NCIS waiting for my dad to come home *exciting!life*

Hopefully the rest of the week improves, but for now... I'm back to lazy *retreats to cave*

-Pax

Holy Crap-- This Is a Blog!!!

2009-03-16T01:54:00.004-04:00

You're correct, over exaggerated title... this is a blog!

Basically this is my new daily blog for a few reasons:

I've had some stuff happen lately and instead of going crazy I'm just going to try and convert it into humor/commentary.
As much as I like Not So Abroad Amerikano, I don't have a lot of motivation or topics to cover right now, but I still want to update something.
Multiply and Livejournal are good for more social interactions, this I can more or less allow to be viewed at my discretion.
My family is eccentric--and sometimes I need to escape them, and blogging/writing has always helped me make sense of that stuff
Pax+Blogging= It just makes sense...

I should be updating this blog everyday... or at least every week day and I'll probably blog one of the weekend days to just recap anything that happens, because the people who know me personally know-- a lot of stuff happens to me.

In fact, I'll probably update today... when it is in fact today and not 2:03AM on a Monday morning-- whoooooooo Spring Break

The Geek in the Purple

He's alive?

*Warning* Random "It's a Good Cause" Post Ahead

I've Been Good This Year...

The Call

Overdue Memes

Today is My Day Off...

I Get It Now...I Think

Choosing...

Bears, Beets, Battlestar Galactica

Bloglovers? Inspiration! *hallelujah chorus*

Life of A Salesman

Welcome Home, Outcasts!

The Wide World Exotic

For Lack of a Better Title, We'll Call This "Un-"

How Can I Be Anything But Second Best to You?

That's How You'll Know My Love is Still Strong

Life is What Happens To You While You're Busy Making Other Plans

Won't You Let Me Go Down in My Dreams

Something Vaguely Inspired By Light Blue Circles

I Might Not Party Like Asher Roth, But I Still Love College (BEDA #20)

Insert Romeo and Juliet Pun (BEDA #19)

Looking for BEDAs #17 and #18 (the first fail of the BEDA experience)

Fritos, TaB, and Mountain Dew= My Dream Date (BEDA #16)

They used to call us names now they want our autograph...(BEDA #15)

Find Your Identity Soon and Let the Channel Change You (BEDA #14)

BEDA #13--Pax broke his laptop...

What's Your Sign? Hey, I Think You Know A Friend of Mine... (BEDA #12)

Shot Right Through Like a Bolt of Blue (BEDA #11)

Soup or Something Like It...

So Much For Headaches and Bad Luck Not Touching Me (BEDA #10)

ART

CHEMISTRY

ENGLISH

GEOGRAPHY

LANGUAGE LEARNING

MATH

Put 8 Seconds on the Clock, We're Going Into Overtime...(BEDA #9)

Accio Appropriate Title, Incendio Writer's Block (BEDA #8)

When I Grow Up, I Want To Have Fairies (BEDA #7)

Sometimes You Just Feel Like a Bad Hat (BEDA #6)

I Never Understood the Spiel About Rainy Days and Mondays Until They Happened All At Once (BEDA #5)

FAQs--Not To Be Confused with Fat Angry Quails (BEDA #4)

Epiphanies in Three Minutes and Twenty-Seven Seconds (BEDA #3)

On A Day Like This I Wish My Name was Lloyd Dobler (BEDA #2)

Welcome to my BEDA fail! (#1)

A Dime Plus Ninety-Nine

White Moments As Told By A White Guy

This week the trend...

Not So Manic Monday-ish

Holy Crap-- This Is a Blog!!!

Warning Random "It's a Good Cause" Post Ahead

Bloglovers? Inspiration! hallelujah chorus